Lesson 6: Environmental Feels

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JJ Parker  0:02  
Welcome, everyone, to our lesson on environmental fields. Now, this lesson, we need to start off with some examples and explanation because the title environmental fields is a little hard to get our head around. And this topic I feel is actually a little bit hard to get your head around. So yeah, let's start off first with do some conversation about what we mean by this and samples and then we're going to get a little deeper into how you can use this in your in your daily life and incorporate it into your self awareness journey.

Melissa Albers  0:38  
Good idea. So the first thing I would encourage people to do is grab the roadmap, the self awareness journey roadmap, so if you haven't already printed that off, or you don't have it in front of you, I would definitely get it in front of you. You'll notice in the roadmap and you have been noticing likely that there are different entry points to the conversation about being more self aware. And then Journey of self awareness. And as we've broken these down into these different kinds of lessons and segments, we focused on the feelings First of all, like how is it to feel certain ways, right? Like, we can tell our awareness by noticing more of our own feelings. We've also done segments on how those feelings can make us feel guilty, or to have shame about our feelings and make ourselves wrong for feelings like that. We've then spent time not just focusing on our feelings, but noticing how we are acting around those feelings. So the external part of those feelings and how they manifest outwardly. And now we are entering into the environmental fields, which is actually the best way to say it is it's your mind. It's how your mind spends time thinking and processing, how your mind compartmentalizes every experience you have into good bad, black, white, strong weak. It's constantly sifting and sorting. And those thinking patterns are very pervasive in in pushing you into activities and feelings.

JJ Parker  2:10  
Yeah. So when we talk about our environment, it's what's happening around us and, and the worldview. Yeah, that we're creating. Yeah. for ourselves. Yes. Yeah. So, you know, one way I think about this is, you know, an example is I've got a 13 year old and his, his 13 year old worldview right now. You know, he kind of thinks that, you know, everything's a little bit against him, right? Yeah. Like all these rules, everything's against me. But I can really see that he enters into a lot of situations where he assumes a negative Yes, yeah, he assumes that something's not gonna work out. And lo and behold, it almost never works out for him, right, which is actually heartbreaking to watch. But I, it's easier to kind of observe that in other people, right? Like we say that a lot, it's easier to, to observe things and other people than is in ourselves. So for me, watching him, you know, go into a situation where he thinks he's not gonna achieve something and then doesn't is really hard. Right? And so talking and kind of coaching him into a mindset. Yes, got a more positive world. Yeah, you know, more positive worldview and a more positive outcome can really help him

Melissa Albers  3:44  
right and, and it's really interesting because he's 13. But you can see this in your life all the time. You can see walking into a meeting and you can see how someone has already put up the blockade like they're expecting that this is Gonna go a certain way. And and it does.

JJ Parker  4:03  
I think we can all probably relate to that, like, how many people maybe have an experience where they are maybe going to their in laws in laws house, right? Like, oh, I'm gonna go to the in laws? Well, like they're the whole attitude and demeanor change, right.

Melissa Albers  4:21  

JJ Parker  4:21  
So because your demeanor changes going into that environment you're almost creating Yes. That more of that same environment.

Melissa Albers  4:30  
Yes. Whatever you put out comes back all the time every time without exception. Yeah.

JJ Parker  4:36  
So being aware of what we're creating for ourselves,

Melissa Albers  4:42  
right, what we're talking about right now, in the mind part, particularly how we think about things and how we're processing those things. And I find to like, it's always the most prevalent. If you are in your own head about something right. You're really giving yourself a hard time or you judging yourself harshly, however you are seeing yourself, that is the set of glasses that you are looking at everything. So you can't wear two pairs of glasses at one time. Right? And I'm just laughing because I'm actually can't

Unknown Speaker  5:15  
you can, most of us,

Melissa Albers  5:18  
actually, I've tried to do that once because I didn't have context and I have my glasses and I tried to do the sunglass thing over It's ridiculous. But, but really, it's very, very challenging to see yourself one way and feel a certain way on the inside and not push that outside. And then every single time you are creating the conditions and circumstances for the environment that you live in 100% and it's very easy for us to want to blame other people and say this is happening to me this person acts like this. Yeah, to me, this guy was mean in the store or, or whatever. And most of the time, if not every single time. You are putting something out there that's coming back to you.

JJ Parker  5:59  
Yeah. So let's just state that again. Because it's a fundamental concept here. Yeah. The idea that in, in the actor self, yes. So the world is happening to you. Yes. Right. Yes. Whereas in the authentic self, your characters creating your own reality, you are the creator of it.

Melissa Albers  6:24  
And the way that you are stating it is that's the belief that in authentic self, you're creating it in the act yourself. It's happening to you. That's your belief. Yeah. But the truth is, you're creating both both. Yeah. And it's really easy to skim off the top on that act yourself and say, Well, these things are not preferable ways of feeling. Yeah. And I don't really like how this guy acts. I sure don't like whenever we have to work on this project. And I have to do this and I don't like it. And the energy that you're kicking off is such and you're feeling inside the same way, but it's all about how the mind is manipulating your feelings in the mind is, I always say the mind is a wonderful tool, but it is a terrible driver. When the mind tries to take over and be in charge, then that's when you lose that amazing awareness that we've been working on within your soul within your heart, within your feelings in your emotions, you lose all of that, and you're just focusing on the external. So if you do find that you're spending a lot of time on that external piece, like what that would also look like is like constantly wanting validation again, and we've talked about that. But that is that external piece and it was very interesting. I was talking with one of my best friends in the UK actually yesterday, and they're going through some family stuff. And she has a sister in law who is an MD, and Doctor medical doctor, and the sister in law is extremely bright and a very good person yet, the sister in law is in need of constant validation Look what I've done. I did this for our family, I'm going and doing this now. And because of that, it causes a huge level of anxiety for the rest of the family. Because they can't just be with her and how fantastic she is. They feel like they have to overly compensate and constantly give her a lot of validation. And it leaves people feeling a little like off.

JJ Parker  8:23  
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think we've talked about you know, we've talked about connecting with other people quite a bit certainly in the lessons and our podcast and, and everybody who's, you know, in various parts of actress, it's really hard for people to connect with them. Yeah, you really connect with people who are in the authentic Yeah, it's easy self. It's so much. So much easier. Yeah,

Melissa Albers  8:48  
yeah. So and a lot of people like even in this journey, as we look at the roadmap, and even as you just kind of go down the down the sides of the roadmap. You have your feelings and you have your actions. tivities and then you have your mind how your mind controls a lot of the environment that's happening around you. And looking at it even from that perspective might be really hard for people it may be easier even for you to go the other way. Yeah, might be easier for you to start right here. I've had many coaching conversations where people are like, they just they can't explain how they feel. They just know something's not right. So when I start to ask them, Well, why are we having a conversation? What are you hoping to accomplish? By working with a coach, people will start explaining their environment will feel different people will treat me different. It'll be easier for me to do my job. I'll like coming to work. I won't have a stomachache if I'm not invited to lunch with other people. Yeah. So they start explaining all of these external experiences that are out of whack. And yet it's hard for someone sometimes to recognize that those are coming from inside. So it's easier to just capture a name it something outside Yeah,

JJ Parker  9:57  
yeah, sometimes those things are easier to identify then some of the feeling might be, yeah, more internal. So let's talk about, let's talk about the environment, how the environment feels when we're really in our authentic self, because I really, like y'all feels good. The goal is to be there as much as possible. Right? And, you know, one way that I put that is like, you know, being in the zone, like being in the moment, like, I'm sure everyone can think, right now about like, when do they feel really, like energized and everything's easy and everything just flow and the people around

Melissa Albers  10:43  
them are really supportive of them and how they're being

JJ Parker  10:46  
Yeah. So what time in your life or what activity are you doing? That you feel like most, you know, supported and everything is the easiest.

Melissa Albers  10:58  
Yeah, yeah. That's such a great question. And I would follow that question with so what time in your life he just asked. And then the next question I would follow that with is, where are you? How are you feeling? And what are you thinking? When you're there? Like, what are you thinking about? How are you validating yourself with what you're doing so that your whole demeanor and energy pushing out is very attractive? Yeah. and easy for other people to be in partnership with? Yeah. And I always think it's really interesting, like one of the things that I have made a conscious effort about in my self awareness journey, especially recently in the most recent passes, like the last year or year and a half. I make a point to really check myself before I go into interacting with anyone. I literally do it every single time I do it with us, when we're going to start doing these lessons. And our podcasts I check myself, I think, what is the intention that I have here? Like it feels so good to be in alignment, it feels so good to have conversations. It feels so good to want to have the very best outcome. And when I push that out, even though I'm not consciously aware of it, it's inviting other people to be the same way back. So if I made a mistake, for example, we started to film this lesson. And we got a little while in. And JJ said, Stop, stop, stop, stop. That's, that wasn't and he needs, you're always so kind. He said, we need to do this a little differently. But what you meant was you need to slow down. But it's but it's it's good, though, right? It's because that interaction is happening in such a way that it's very positive. So even though we're in the creation mode, we know we can create better and the reason we know we can, is because we're checking ourselves, and we know we're in a supported environment. And we know that it's okay, even if we make mistakes that the other person is going to go well, that's cool. Let's just do it again. And that's a wonderful feeling.

JJ Parker  12:56  
Yeah, I would say like using our very recent example that, you know, we started recording, I kind of felt that it was a little off right at the beginning, I kind of felt that like in my body, right? Yeah, physically felt that it was often it was actually, you know, I could sense that little bit of stress and oh, and right there, I knew that I was in a supportive enough environment to just call it like, Yeah, we got to stop. Let's start again, with a little bit of different footing. Right. And oh, that's a good way to say that. Hopefully, it worked a lot better.

Melissa Albers  13:33  
Yeah. But that's a really good way to say it is with a little bit of a different footing. And last week, we were doing a podcast recording. Mm hmm. And we got I mean, we had the full thing almost done. I think we're like 20 minutes in and we both at the exact same moment, just stopped talking. Yeah. And we were just like, we need to scrap that that didn't feel right, right. And then when I noticed it, and we started to talk about it more, I too noticed at the very beginning was We had talked about a certain topic, it didn't feel quite right. And yet I just kept Well, no, no, it's okay. It'll be okay. Well, we work it out, it'll be fine. And so my mind immediately took over this feeling that I had that was like, well, maybe that hasn't been completely fleshed out yet. Like, maybe that topic. It's a good topic, but maybe we just aren't ready yet. Maybe we haven't talked about it enough. I had all these feelings inside, but my brain was like, nope, today's a day. This is when we're filming. We're gonna make it. So it my brain overrode because I was into that. I you know what? We said we were going to do two of these today, we're going to do it. We're going to do it. I was going into my own competition with myself. It had nothing to do with you. Yeah, I was just making those arrangements for myself. And then the result was, the environment didn't feel quite right.

JJ Parker  14:46  
Yeah, I like this. Because, you know, I want to make sure that everyone knows that even though we've got you know, we're doing those podcasts. We're doing these lessons and we're, we're we're in the exploration every single

Melissa Albers  14:59  
Yes. Exactly right?

JJ Parker  15:00  
Yes. It's like a daily work.

Melissa Albers  15:03  
Yeah. And I always say the very, very, very best teacher is a student. Because when you're a student of something, you're much more open, you're much more aware you're interested in learning. And that makes it really fun to learn with someone who's like that. Yeah. So

JJ Parker  15:20  
I want to talk a little bit about this idea where I feel like we're talking about creating your environment around you. And to me, it's deeper than being generally optimistic or pessimistic, you know, this isn't, you know, this isn't just like I'm positive or I'm Yeah, a little bit more negative about fake it till you make it. Yeah, this is much deeper like, like, I truly believe that this is how my outcome is going to be. I have intention of this. Yeah. As my outcome and that's what happens right? Yeah. Creating that and Sounds, that's that starts to get into things that we talked about a lot like the law of attraction, right? The idea that the energy you put out is the same kind of energy you get back. Yes. Yeah. If you're pushing out negative energy, you're gonna get negative energy back. Yeah. But if you can push out positive energy, you're gonna get positive back.

Melissa Albers  16:21  
Yeah. And it is even one step into that conversation. Because this is such a helpful, interesting dialogue, is it isn't even just what you're pushing out. It certainly starts there. But the other thing is, is where are you spending time making energy? So if you spend a lot of time ruminating, considering creating things in your mind, which we all do, we're always fantasizing about all sorts of things in our own mind. We're telling ourselves stories all the time. What are those stories telling us? What are we pushing towards because if this time in our minds is spent with more feelings that are heavier, not helpful, concerning ourselves worrying about things, feeling anxious about things, we are actually in the mode of creation. Yeah. And as we become worried and anxious, and we and we think more and more along those lines, we actually are pushing that out. So we end up getting more and more of what we've spent the most time thinking about.

JJ Parker  17:27  
Yeah, so as you know, I'm a rock climber. So I, yeah, climb technical vertical routes. And when I'm climbing, I, I'm very careful with my thought patterns and my energies. Because interesting in my experience, when I'm climbing if I'm, you know, we call it being out on the sharp edge, which means like you're above your protection. If you fall it would be a fairly big fall. If I start, you know, thinking about falling, if I start getting fearful if I start thinking negative thoughts about what how, what's going to happen? It almost every time happens, yes. Right. Yeah. But if I can stay very centered and controlled with my thoughts, and kind of visualize my way through that. I make it right. And

Melissa Albers  18:27  
yeah, it works. And I do

JJ Parker  18:28  
yoga, it's anything interesting thing where you can actually use that technique in situations where you do feel very uncomfortable, or that fear starts creeping in. And being really intentional about your thinking, yeah, yeah. creates

Melissa Albers  18:48  
a certain thing, right? That's more of the same thing. So I think that this is such a good conversation because it really does create like, we always say we try to keep this at Very easy conversational level we don't want to go into too deep of things but in future in future curriculum we absolutely well. Yet for these, we always try to just stay very like common like very commonplace like very This is north This is what normal experiences feel like if you want to say normal, and yet there's so much depth to every one of these parts and pieces, and really understanding at a fundamental core level, how what you spend your time creating, you will be successful in Yep. So if you're spending your time in the core creation, in things that do not make you feel good, that is what you will create. If you spend time creating things that feel pleasing, and environments that you are interested in and supportive of you will get more of that. And just having that awareness is so incredibly important. So let

JJ Parker  19:54  
me ask you this. So you know if I'm in an environment That I don't like, right. And I, it's you know whether it's going to visit somebody, I don't like going to my work environment, you know, that's a really good example go into my work environment, which I really don't like. I'm

Melissa Albers  20:15  
not what you do.

JJ Parker  20:18  
But you know what? It's a it's a place you have to go. Yes, routinely. Yeah. How do you break that thinking pattern? How do you think break that creation pattern? Right,

Melissa Albers  20:32  
right. It's a that's a really good question. And I would say the very first thing that I always say is, check in with your own level of influence. Who and What can you influence influence? And what's appropriate for you in your energy to create or influence? And if there's environments that you really, really don't like to be in? I think the very first question I would be asking myself is why? Why don't I like these environments? Is it because I have certain interactions with individuals that don't feel favorable, I always tease my husband. He's a biology professor. And they're very analytical minded individuals. And they have a happy hour together. And I always tease him really like, are they happy? I bet they're Are they really happy? What are you like? What do you guys breaking down? Like I always, always tease him about that, right? Because it's just it's like how you're spending your energy and what kinds of things are naturally aligning for you. But even in an environment where you may not be necessarily feeling your best, I think the very first thing is to understand why. And then and I always ask when I do team building sessions, and I have for 20 years, one of the very first questions I always ask people in teams is, what three things do you like about your team or your environment? And what three things do you not like? Okay, I don't make them tournament or anything. It's just like, inventory. But the very second question I asked is, and what are you doing to add to that? Yeah, you know, Like so just take your own inventory. And it is okay for you to try different things. It's okay for you to totally shift and try out being different. Mm hmm.

JJ Parker  22:10  
That's a great exercise. I hope that one shows up on the workbook. Yeah. But just making that list even the act of making that list and reflecting on Yes, the things that are positive, yeah. And negative and, and yeah, just maybe move him add in one more to the positive list and try to get one more off the negative. I

Melissa Albers  22:34  
think that's a great exercise too. And you're talking about doing something a little more intentional, which is fantastic. It's like you can easily if you're in an environment that you don't really love, it would be super interesting to write a pros and cons list, like write them all out. Don't do it all at one sitting. Because what will happen is it'll you'll dump out all the primary things that are on your mind and your heart, but come back to it a few times and add to it and let it be a little deeper. It might be something similar Like the furniture, I don't like the furniture. I don't like what I wear. I it could be very superficial like that. But it bugs you. Yeah, put that down might be something such as there's one person that I sit by that just has a negative attitude. And every time I'm near that person, I just feel like I get really bogged down with that. So rather than judge the judge anything, just observe, observe both positively and negatively, what is it in the environment that that is you're aligned with or not aligned with? And then understanding what is it? What can I do about those things? Like, do I have personal influence over one or two or all of these? And if so, what do I want to do with that influence, so that I can be more in alignment with who I really am.

JJ Parker  23:46  
Awesome. What else did we miss about environmental fields?

Melissa Albers  23:50  
I just would say that if you find that you're constantly spending a lot of time in your head habitually, we think this same thoughts over and over and over again and habitually, it will create a belief. And if you find that the thoughts that you're thinking are generally ones that you don't feel good about, you can check in with your environmental feel segment, first and foremost, and it will help you understand immediately what those thoughts are. I've had so many deep conversations with people who have started here, because they haven't been able to really identify their feelings, like I was saying earlier, and this can really help people get onto that path of Oh, okay. So I recognize that I've been blaming other people. For my, my feelings. I've been blaming other people for my environments that I don't like, I've been a victim. I've been treating myself like a victim. Like all of this keeps happening to me and why can't can't I have better luck, and I will tell you, unequivocably it is your choice. Now, this is a powerful

JJ Parker  25:01  
Shifting have a worldview.

Melissa Albers  25:02  
Yes. And it takes practice. It takes practice. So but it can be actually easier and easier and easier. You just try a little bit and you try a little bit. And I always say like this conversation may have created some knowingness in you that you didn't have before. And you can't unknow what you know

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