After Being Promoted

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JJ Parker  0:03  
So Melissa, I started my career as a computer programmer.

Melissa Albers  0:07  
I never knew that actually.

JJ Parker  0:09  
You're so good, right? So I, I wrote the software, better comm result. And as I progressed in my career, I became, you know, the head of engineering and then the CTO and, and beyond. But the hardest move that I had in my career was going from being one of the programmers Yeah, to be one of the managers of the programmers, right, the the, the CTO, because I, I was part of the gang. And then all of a sudden, I wasn't,

Melissa Albers  0:47  
yeah, that's a super hard thing. And it is actually one of the most challenging things about being promoted in your company. And most people don't even think about that or even realize it and yet emotionally Just through awareness, it's literally one of the hardest things that happens. There. I have another client in which it was a similar situation. He was in a department for 20 years. And he was promoted to the department's manager on a Monday, and he was immediately uninvited to a happy hour that happened every single Friday night for that team for literally decades. That's so hard. And he he actually cried. He was crushed. He just couldn't believe that they would treat him so differently now, because he had a different title behind his name.

JJ Parker  1:32  
Yeah, this idea that, you know, we're chasing a career path. Yeah. And we don't really realize that these other kind of things can happen, right. Yeah. This? Yeah. Yeah. And it's really interesting, because, you know, when you've been kind of part of a group like that, of course, you're gonna feel sad. Yeah. You know, you're not part of it anymore. Yeah.

Melissa Albers  1:58  
And it kind of leaves you with Well, what am I supposed to do now? Like, am I ever supposed to act differently? You know, am I supposed to have authority now? Do I start like heavy handed people that I've never in my life had a serious conversation with, like, How am I supposed to act? And you'll see a lot of different ways of being that people are depending on their own awareness.

JJ Parker  2:20  
Yeah. And so moving into a manager role there when you used to be part of the peer group is really difficult because, you know, you don't know how to maybe establish authority. Yeah, because you were part of the group. Maybe you feel like you don't actually have any authority. And so, moving through that whole emotional process is pretty tough. And I've seen people be way too heavy handed. As I move into that role. I've seen people be way too timid and just want to be part of the group again, they'll

Unknown Speaker  2:53  
keep going to the happy hour,

JJ Parker  2:55  
which doesn't work either. So. So somehow you have to navigate That I don't know that I have a particular tip on how to navigate

Melissa Albers  3:03  
that. I think what I would say in that time is that the most important thing is that you stay really aware of your own feelings, yes. And recognizing that everything takes time those relationships that you developed, took some time for you to develop in the way that they were. And as a leader, really what you're doing is it's no longer about authority like 10 or 20 years ago, that's what we talked about with leadership. It was like authority, authority, authority. Now, its influence, you have a great deal of influence with your peer group already. And to just be open and honest with this is challenging for me, because now I have this new set of rules, and I have this new role. And yet I still have a certain kind of relationship with you. I'm just going to be honest and tell you that that's kind of hard for me, it must be hard for you too, and just sharing some of your feelings, obviously, not everything, and you'll eventually not have those same relationships and the same rapport, but over time, it can very easily morphing Do something that feels a lot more comfortable. And you feel a lot more confident.

JJ Parker  4:04  
Yeah. And I've seen that those relationships can in a lot of ways become even stronger. Yes,

Melissa Albers  4:09  
yes. And they actually help you with your influence and the rest of the organization, if you will allow that. Yeah.

JJ Parker  4:19  
I think I could work.

Unknown Speaker  4:21  
Yeah, yeah. All right.

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