Being Introverted in an Extroverted World

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JJ Parker  0:02  
Melissa, I am an introvert in an extrovert world.

Melissa Albers  0:06  
Yes, you are. And I am an extrovert and extroverts world.

JJ Parker  0:12  
Well, I'd love to tell you about how my world looks. Yes, I'll do that in a very concise email. later on tonight I look forward.

Melissa Albers  0:21  
What a connection we've just had. But in

JJ Parker  0:23  
all seriousness, yeah, it is sometimes really hard to be an introvert because, you know, extroverts typically, like talk a lot, they think out their ideas a lot. And for me, that doesn't work. I just need to think in my head about things. You know, the classic thing is an extrovert talks to think, or as an introvert thinks to talk exactly right. So yeah, in environments like a meeting together. Yeah, it's really hard for me because I need quiet thinking time to process something before I share. And by the time I'm ready to share, the extroverts are like running their mouth, like a million miles a minute, and I can't even

Unknown Speaker  1:03  
get out into Jordan.

Melissa Albers  1:04  
Yeah, I think that this is a really common thing that happens in meetings. And I think that one of the really key things to remember is, what I have found in my experience is when the introverts do speak in a meeting, everybody else should zip it. Because they're usually having something important to say, if they've got enough, if they've got enough energy behind the words, they're going to use everybody's worker and throw the key away. It

JJ Parker  1:27  
sounds like a tip for extroverts that we'll cover later. But for introverts, yeah. Really, what we have to think about is, hey, our opinion is valued. Yeah, right. Yes. And maybe have a couple of go to statements where that we can use to break into the conversation, because a lot of times, it just feels like I can't break in, right? Yeah, I feel like I'm being rude if I break in, yeah. Which isn't true. It's just how I feel right? So having some of those phrases that that allow me to break into a conversation are really helpful,

Melissa Albers  2:00  
right? And so what do you do you have any specific ones that you use?

JJ Parker  2:05  
Sometimes I'll sometimes actually just use a little raise my hand kind of thing to let people know, hey, I've got something. Yeah, they'd like to share. Can you do that? Um, or just like, hey, when we have a second, I've got a thought.

Melissa Albers  2:16  
Okay. Right. That's great. That's great. How about when you leave the meeting, and everybody disperses into the office, in a flurry of idle chitchat?

JJ Parker  2:27  
That is also the worst retreat to my desk as fast as possible. The worst, though, is when you're at your desk, and you're working, and someone just comes up and like cheeks up on the side of your desk and wants to tell you a weekend right? to it. That's like that happens every day. That one's tough, because it's like, I don't well, frankly, I don't really want to idle chat right about your weekend. I mean, that's not to say I don't care about your weekend, or I don't care about you or I don't. All right, I want to be disengaged. It's

Melissa Albers  3:02  
like takes a lot of energy for you to engage like that. It

JJ Parker  3:05  
does take energy. So for me, I want to be more purposeful about those engagements, right? Like, yeah, if I've got some, yeah, like, if I've got work to do, I really got to make sure I'm in a space where I'm not getting interrupted.

Unknown Speaker  3:20  
Yes. Right. Yes.

JJ Parker  3:22  
And I don't have to do idle chitchat kind of before and after that, right. But sometimes, like it's okay. Right. So taking a purposeful break and walking around the office to check in. Yep. To check in with all my extrovert friends. So then, maybe I'm not interrupted later. Yeah. And also timeboxing that some Yeah, sometimes I'll say, hey, Melissa, I'd love to hear about your weekend. I got five minutes until my next meeting.

Unknown Speaker  3:48  
Yeah. So that's great. That's great. Why? Let me hear it. Yeah.

Melissa Albers  3:52  
And I think too, that introverts need to recognize that when extroverts are doing that, I think it actually sometimes feels like a like they're, you know, really pressing in on you and your

JJ Parker  4:01  
energy coming in on you. Yeah.

Melissa Albers  4:03  
And I think recognizing that that is truly the extroverts way of trying to connect with an introvert. So recognizing the difference being on both sides is super helpful. I think

JJ Parker  4:13  
the other thing as an introvert I've experienced is being misunderstood.

Unknown Speaker  4:19  
Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because really,

JJ Parker  4:23  
my communication style, it's, it's more quiet, right? It's, I take in a lot of information, right. So when I'm taking in information, and I'm not really like, part of it, I want to not part of the brainstorm but kind of part of the whirlwind and forth back and forth. It looks like I'm disengaged. It might look like I don't care. Yes, right. Yep. But that's not true. I care very deeply about those things. I'm and I will show that later, but probably something very thoughtful, right, but just not in the moment. So

Melissa Albers  4:57  
I always say to like for introverts in this Kind of dialogue to it's like recognizing that if you are not saying anything, you're not telling your story. Other people are telling your story. And it's never Right. Yeah. So even in those moments back and forth, I think it's perfectly okay to make some sort of statement. You know, like, I'm really listening. I'm alright, I have some stuff to add, but I'm waiting. I'm not quite ready yet. Like just a couple of those types of statements that just let people know that you are still very much in it. You're just expressing it in a very different way than the extroverts.

JJ Parker  5:28  
Yeah, absolutely. I, I set that stage all the time. Like, especially if I'm working with a newer team that doesn't know my style. I'll say, Hey, guys, here's how I work. I'll get I got to hear everything. Then I got to go sit with it. Yeah, like later today. And we'll come back again. And just being upfront with Yeah, thinking style. Yeah. helps a lot.

Melissa Albers  5:50  
Yeah. So in meetings, don't be afraid to voice your opinion. It's very, very valued. And it matters, right, just as much as all the other people that can talk, idle chit chat, you have the great idea of doing some time blocking to make it a little easier for you so that that way you don't start feeling an energy drain or like you're trapped. And then finally is recognizing how sometimes your silence can be misunderstood. And it's really important to put out some of those key statements or phrases that let people know Don't misunderstand me. I'm really interested in what's happening here. I'm just expressing it in a really different way than you are

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