How to Disagree Remotely

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JJ Parker  0:02  
So Melissa, yeah, one thing that I find a real challenge in our remote work environment is just hauling off and yelling at somebody.

Melissa Albers  0:12  

JJ Parker  0:14  
Well, I'm being a little facetious. But having a disagreement with somebody is kind of challenging. Yeah. In a remote environment. You know, a lot of times if I had a trouble with somebody, I just like, walk over their desk and be like, Hey, we got to have a conversation, right? And we just kind of hash it out. Yeah. But nowadays, it's much harder because the communication is more asynchronous. Not everything's in the same kneel space. Yeah. So sure, we should talk about how we can effectively Yeah, have disagreements remotely, right. I think that not advocating that my first method was

Melissa Albers  0:54  
hollering, right. I think one of the major things too, that impacts This is your natural personality style. So if you're somebody who's a lot more extroverted, perhaps like you really enjoy getting right in there, like, let's just

Unknown Speaker  1:06  
go, let's hash this out right now.

Melissa Albers  1:08  
Yeah, and you have a high sense of urgency, especially so and then if you've got more of an introverted personality, you might be more in alignment with wanting to just type something out or just quietly take care of things too. But I think in a remote situation, everything is really amped up. So I think like one of the first things is to really notice how you're pushing your opinion out, you know, are you exaggerating the opinion? Because you're just really wanting to win the argument or whatever it might be?

JJ Parker  1:36  
Or are you just deciding to be really reclusive about things? And just really, under the radar all the time?

Melissa Albers  1:43  
Right, right. And and I think, honestly, sometimes it's easy to go both directions. So it's super easy to do that. So I think really, just really trying to keep track of what is my way that I'm pushing this out? And can I do it in a way that's a little more neutralizing?

JJ Parker  1:58  
Yeah, rather than divisive? And being mindful of those sort of, you know, that natural wiring Yeah, of your personality? Because everyone's got a certain style. Yes, you probably know your style. So just being aware if you're going a little above or Yeah, under that rail in the remote environment, I

Melissa Albers  2:18  
think too, like another really common thing that happens. And I would say even before we were all remote, was hiding behind electronic ways of communicating instead of just talking Yeah, picking up the phone,

JJ Parker  2:30  
right? Like sending an email, or like using your instant messaging platform like slack or teams to like send a little bar a little nasty gram. Yeah, even texting. Yeah,

Melissa Albers  2:43  
yeah, no, sometimes, sometimes it feels like that's actually an easier thing to do. But it might be easier in the moment, but it actually creates a longer term problem and creates sort of a gap, I think, between you and the other person,

JJ Parker  2:55  
for sure. Because we all know that, depending and we add another lesson about this, like those text mediums, depending on the receiver of them, yes. And their mood, those messages will be taken in very different ways when maybe you intend

Melissa Albers  3:11  
exactly right. And the other way that they're taken is by the number of emails or whatever that have gone back and forth. So if we're into like the third or fourth exchange, yeah, that's usually when people are starting to dig their heels in getting

JJ Parker  3:22  
longer the thread, the worse it gets.

Melissa Albers  3:26  
And then finally to I would say it's your energy, you know, what is the energy that you're pushing out? Again, if you're feeling really tired, or if you're feeling a little on the grumpy side anyway, and you're trying to have a bit of a disagreement with someone, the energy that you're kicking out, actually can make it a whole lot worse, or a whole lot better? If you just have some awareness about what that is? Yep.

JJ Parker  3:47  
And I would say in my experience, I, if I'm having, you know, a call a video conference, and I'm in maybe even a good mood, yeah, that kind of gets squashed through that medium, right. So you actually kind of have to be a little bit more overboard with your energy than you expect when you're on video. Yes, because video kind of like takes everything down a notch compared to being in person.

Melissa Albers  4:13  
I mean, we've learned that even just our work with video that in the camera adds 10 pounds, but that's a total different side note. Okay, anyway, so let's just do a quick recap. So we first of all want to really understand and recognize what how strongly we're kicking our opinion out, or if we are just trying to not even really get that invested. So we're keeping our opinion back. Yep.

JJ Parker  4:33  
And we want to not hide behind our electronics. Yes, right. When in doubt, maybe pick up the phone or have an actual video call with somebody

Melissa Albers  4:41  
or even asked to set up a time to have that conversation. And then finally, really keep track of your own energy. Keep in mind that whatever you're pushing out energetically is what the person hears first.

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