Seeing Your Energy

In this episode JJ and Melissa discuss seeing your energy and the effects it has between introverts and extroverts.

September 22, 2020
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Melissa Albers  0:00  
Hey everyone, you are listening to the self awareness journey podcast. This little banter is about a car ride long and features your hosts JJ Parker. And Melissa Elbert. JJ owns a tech company. And Melissa has been a coach working with influencers for the last 18 years. So today's conversation is about energy. JJ and I had an experience earlier this week that prompted this conversation. And I think it's really a common experience that many, many people have and it really is all about, where do you get your own personal energy from? When does your energy get drained? And how do you recover and go back and forth? recovering and feeling energized throughout the day?

JJ Parker  0:50  
Yeah, totally. And I'd says as it applies to self awareness, just like ours, conversation is about understanding And and sensing that energy shift in you, right? And then figuring out what you're going to do about it. Right. So, you know, earlier this week, we were recording one of our video lessons. Yes. And we do that at my office, mostly because no one is ever there.

Melissa Albers  1:24  
Right, right. Due to due to COVID. Not due to poor performance. This is right. Because of COVID.

JJ Parker  1:31  
Turn my office into the self awareness journey studios, and we've been recording video there and so we do those during the day. Right. And you know, we both work. You go full time, so yeah, lots of big jobs. We, I was working all morning and Melissa rolls into the studio when we start talking about the podcast and and you go, JJ You look tired.

Melissa Albers  2:01  
And you did look tired. Your eyes were red and you were trying to really rally. You were really working hard to rally and be excited about the conversation. But I could just your your physical energy was not present like it usually is.

JJ Parker  2:15  
Well, yeah, I mean, I had a really hectic morning, we've had a lot going on, right. And I think what I remember saying to you is like, No, no, not. Yeah, I'm not tired. Yeah, no, it's fine. It's fine. Like, and it wasn't, but then that was, you know, of course. And in a moment of self awareness, I was like, Oh, wait, I should, I should pause here for a second and actually

Melissa Albers  2:40  
take my inventory

JJ Parker  2:42  
as the input and actually see, oh, yeah, I actually, I am pretty mentally drained here, right. Mm hmm. I think all the way right.

Melissa Albers  2:54  
Yeah. But I think that's so common, like I we talk about it more now than we ever have, you know, just the energy behind something. And when we have done previous work before, people don't recognize how much their energy comes across when they're talking with other people. If they're recording themselves, if they're videotaping themselves, you can feel a person's energy before you even hear their words.

Unknown Speaker  3:22  
Yeah, I like to think that I can hide. Yeah, that we all do it.

Melissa Albers  3:28  
Yeah, no, we all do.

JJ Parker  3:29  
But you know, and actually, even in that lesson, we we talked about personal focus. And we talked about, you know, kind of how we act different based on you know, the different, you know, people around environmental inputs and jobs and random things we're involved in. And the fact is, is like, it's hard to, to mass us off and just like you said, masking, what your true energy as that is, is nearly impossible. Well,

Melissa Albers  3:58  
it's actually what it is, is a dream. Yeah, you may you may on the outside, your, this isn't having to do with anybody's skills like this isn't if you're good at your job, right? This isn't like if, if you're a high quality this or, or an expert that this is really about how much energy it takes you to be that. And I think, for me really noticing what I'm naturally aligned with, and what things or what people are much harder for me to align with. I'm noticing those things makes a huge difference for me on my energy level.

JJ Parker  4:34  
Yeah. And probably, you know, as we as we talk now reflecting on my morning, I, I was in a whole bunch of meetings with a bunch of people a lot of talking. A lot of detail work, which and, you know, a lot of those situations just take a lot of energy from me.

Melissa Albers  4:59  
Yeah, well And particularly the one that was ending just before you and I were doing our recording was an hour long conversation with her son. Ray was

JJ Parker  5:10  
on a live webinar. Yeah, a whole bunch of people were

Melissa Albers  5:13  

JJ Parker  5:14  
a live webinar. Oh, yeah. Oh, the other topics. At some point, we need to talk about his like work amnesia. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  5:23  
I'll do it. I completely forget about. We did it very in the very recent past.

Melissa Albers  5:29  
As in 10 minutes ago.

JJ Parker  5:33  
Oh, yeah, that was right. So for me, for me and my personality type. That's a really big energy spend. Mm hmm. For me, I have to spend a lot of energy to kind of be on. Yeah. And yeah, that way.

Melissa Albers  5:46  
There's another something that's a little in the background, a bit that you maybe didn't even notice. But I know about you, which is in that experience while you were hosting that webinar. There was a particular individual that was being really Negative for the entire podcast or for the entire


JJ Parker  6:06  
it was annoying the crap out of me the entire time,

Melissa Albers  6:08  
you are not that way. So like, especially if you're gonna present with people, you make a really concerted effort to be optimistic and approachable. And I mean, it takes a lot of your energy cycles, but that's very important for you to do that. So whenever you're in group settings like that, you push that out really prevalently and this individual was having zero awareness of how he was pushing his energy out. Yeah. And by the end of the hour, you were ready to lose it.

JJ Parker  6:39  
I was a little sideways.

Melissa Albers  6:40  
Yeah. Right from that too. Okay, let's sit down and be really connected. And let's talk about let's talk about personal focus.

JJ Parker  6:51  
Well, so then we did right, so yeah, so we did we we, you know, I got it together, we read we reorient. And, and you know, what happened is, is we sat in our two black chairs and turn the camera on. And and then everything that morning I can't even remember it just like faded away and like all instantly went away. Right? Yeah, because I was right back into, you know, into my zone into the zone like back into my more authentic state back into a flow. Yeah. And that and it was a whole different energy and

Melissa Albers  7:36  
I remember commenting to you actually after that session because you were like back to your old self. And you were like bouncing around and doing all the technical stuff and checking everything, you know, for our recording. And I said to you, wow, do you notice how your energy is just completely more buoyant. It's like you're just happier and you see more really energized because you're doing something that's pleasing to you what you just did in the last hour. And that's I remember using that word to you is pleasing. It's like you were focusing on something that you found pleasing, and it was very easy for you to do it, even when you were coming at it from a deficit. Mm hmm. I just think that's really an interesting thing for people to think about is when you're coming in and out of things. You know, we all have jobs to do we all have responsibilities to do yet. There's very deep fundamental things that are easier for us to attach to energetically. And take your own inventory, I think is is kind of a really important thing to do. Because it allows you to stay more in your centered focus state, even just having an awareness about what's happening for you.

JJ Parker  8:50  
Yeah, it's, you know, it sounds it's, it sounds kind of like hippie dippie. Like, hey, check your energy like what's your energy like? But I think it's a really fundamental thing.

Melissa Albers  9:02  
Yeah, I do too. And I think the other thing is, you know, how we've been saying in the last few weeks a lot in our self awareness journey. And as we're been, as we've been creating some of the content we've been creating right now, we're also very much talking about, it's easier to observe other people, then it is ourselves. Yep. And, and noticing how other people affect energy for yourself is also really important.

JJ Parker  9:30  
Yeah, well, I say if, in the realm of noticing other people like what I am able, what I what I often do, is, uh, you know, it's, like he said, it's harder to even maybe, sense how it affects you. But if you ever watched somebody walk into a room, no. So like, as an introvert who's constantly standing in the corner, just watching things unfold. You've maybe never experienced this Melissa,

Melissa Albers  9:57  
and I have no corner is there like you mean? Like a real corner, like I don't even know what you're saying.

JJ Parker  10:04  
But when you watch people walk in and interact with a room, you can see how their energy sort of changes. Yeah. What's happening in there? So yeah, yeah. For me, my first observation is, is that one, like, let's observe how a new person who, you know, walks into the house walks into the conference room, you know, whatever walks into school, yeah. changes the dynamics there. Yeah. And then you can kind of start sensing. Like, because you're likely part of that right now that maybe it's affecting your energy.

Melissa Albers  10:40  
Well, and you could even go more broad than that. You could, you could. So one of the pieces that I study is the law of attraction with Abraham Hicks. That's something that I've spent a lot of time learning from and it's a wonderful thing. And in that study, in that focus, they call it a changing a segment. They talk whenever anybody comes in. to a room, it changes the segment meaning the energy has changed so much that things alter and if you consider even conversations with your loved ones, you can be in a grocery store, having an exchange with someone and be energetically affected by that someone. So this is just what we do you know we're we're human beings we're noticing people's energies and ways of being before we're before anybody even speaks. So I think that it's a much deeper topic even you know, we always like to keep things we always say we want to keep things on the on the bottom shelf, you know, as we're entering into the self awareness, journey conversations and get deeper as we go. But this is a topic I think that is so important for us to notice. And what I have found like even in my own development, what I've noticed is that if I am working with someone, I have to check my energy before I even go in the room. Like, this is what I do know, I check myself and what I mean by that, like, check my energy. What do I mean by that? What I say to myself is all right, my intention for this exchange, my intention for connecting with this person is to have a dialogue about x, whatever the conversation supposed to be about, or whatever we're working on in the meeting. And I will, I will say my intention is to stay really centered, and to be very objective, and I recognize that there are going to be parts of this conversation. That won't make it easy for me to be objective, because I have agendas. I have opinions. But I know that if I'm not objective, my agendas, and my opinions will not go over well. If I come in with a strong attitude that says, I'm going to be a certain way because I want my opinion to be heard. Even if my opinion is the best one in the world. With that energy attached to it. I will not have success, because people notice Oh, you're trying to push me into things. The way that you think. And even if I sort of am on the same page with you, I don't like how that feels.

JJ Parker  13:06  
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I like I like the word you used. intention, like set my intention. You know, I think last podcast we talked about goal setting. Yeah. Right. And, and kind of in a in a broader context, but even these, what would be like a micro goal like just an intention. My intention is to be like this when I come in, yeah, your sets has sets you on, you know, the right path.

Melissa Albers  13:35  
Yeah. I and I think too, that when people start having an awareness because here's the natural, I think here's the natural human reaction is like, Oh, I noticed that person's energy is, whatever, fill in the blank. Something that you don't think is great, they're crabby, they're tired, they're pushy, they are whatever. What usually happens is that we then take offence at it or we then make it about us, which is Taking on their energy. It's as simple as that. Rather than, oh, I'm noticing that this individual is like that. And that's not mine. That's not mine. That's theirs and I'm going to remain focused on what my energy is because that's what I have control over and that's what I'm interested in being supportive and helpful with.

JJ Parker  14:22  
Yeah, yeah, I, I experience you know, that and actually in another again, in another podcast, we talked about this i ideas that you don't have to take on the energy of someone else. No. Right. And you can still do that. It is natural and actually people kind of want you to do that.

Melissa Albers  14:45  
Yes, they do. You bet. Right.

JJ Parker  14:47  
And the reason they want you to do that is because they want to feel validated. Exactly. And one of the and and and and validation and validating you know, being validated helps you feel more connected with people. So. But it's interesting because you don't have to take on the energy to validate someone's emotional state now thinking

Melissa Albers  15:12  
that's really an interesting,

JJ Parker  15:15  
but it's hard to do that it's hard to actually sort of not get sucked into Yeah, yeah. Or judge it or feel bad about it, about not seeing

Melissa Albers  15:26  
if it's big, especially if it's a big energy, whatever the energy is, if you're working to have more neutrality, and you're working more to just keep yourself in a centered, calmer state. Any energy that comes at you that's bigger than yours will be very easy for you to take on and not even notice you are until you're absolutely exhausted.

JJ Parker  15:46  
Yeah. Yeah. So one interesting thing, you know, we've been talking about energy as it relates to interacting with people. Mm hmm. I, personally am also really affected by the energy, just of my environment, my physical surroundings. And in fact, I, you know, I've shared I've shared, you know, bits of the story about in my business life you know, the troubles I had with my ex business partner and and that relationship kind of fallen fallen apart. Well, after we broke our partnership up. We still haven't you know, he left the business. Yeah, we still had the office. You know, we that we basically built together,

Melissa Albers  16:47  

JJ Parker  16:49  
And yeah, that physical space was so hard for me to be in. Yeah, like just walking in the door. changed my entire energy? Yeah. And so much so that like, we had to move like, I mean, it sounds so crazy but like I move the entire company because I could be in that be productive and be my authentic self in that space.

Melissa Albers  17:17  
Yeah, yeah. And even just talking about the energy that's created with the the two of you because it was a long it was a really long relationship. And so it was a growing of the relationship a growing of the office. And and so from where you started, it was a very just it was a young you were much younger, you were much younger and this partner of yours had a really strong personality. And and i and i saw i agree with you like what was created over a long period of time, made it a certain way and you were growing through it and when your partnership ends Did it was really because you just became at odds with how he wanted to grow or not grow versus how you wanted to grow or not grow just was not in alignment anymore and neither was the office like it just didn't even fit your personality at all.

JJ Parker  18:14  
Yeah, so I think that you know, people who've been mindful of their environment and how that might be affecting them. Yeah, whether they realize it or not, you know, yeah, like I mean, it could be as big as a house or an office or something like that. It could be as little as a particular store right yeah certain street

Melissa Albers  18:36  
Yeah, no, no, I can into certain stores like you can feel really different just based on that that's so good that you're bringing that to our attention because I wasn't even really thinking about that. But I think that's really important and like even creating like a your own certain space, right, like how you how you decorate your space, like I have a client that just moved and they just went through a divorce and are moving into a new place. And, you know, I just encouraged like, the bedroom of that new place, make it completely different make it something that feels super happy, super light super, with a lot of growth potential, you know, so that you can feel really happy and energized and build from that. Yeah. So I think that's really true. You know, the other thing besides that, besides interacting with people and talking about spaces is also activities. Yes, like, what activities do you find pleasing and satisfying, versus what activities are extremely hard and draining for you?

JJ Parker  19:49  
Yeah. And so part of part of it that, you know, is your sort of natural brain wiring, right. I've talked about how Yeah, my dominant trait is introversion and I just, it is so draining for me to be in a big group of people. And I, you know, I recharge and get energy by being by myself, right?

Melissa Albers  20:15  
Yeah, you know, or

JJ Parker  20:16  
being one on one with somebody just it's, it's what I have to do. And I didn't realize that for so many years and it was so frustrated.

Melissa Albers  20:25  
You know, one of the markers of a personality trait that is introversion is also being more analytical and technical. So people that are introverted often have the trade of being a lot more analytical. So what that means is activities that are much more detailed, technically oriented, how you learn, you know, wanting to learn more through books or through looking at a screen versus learning in a group environment where there's a lot of interaction that can be be extremely exhausting for people just being in that kind of environment. So as an introvert with more strong technical bend, anything people related can be more draining. And what's really interesting though, is even though I am more extroverted, those kinds of analytical tasks and technical tasks that you are extremely good at, I hate and I'm not good at them. And I can do great work. If I sit and make myself it takes me 10 times longer. I'm tired. I don't like going through spreadsheets. I don't like trying to learn learn a new technology that has a very small interaction in my life like those things. Lots of people get jazzed by that. But I feel drained by it and I always appreciate I appreciate them very much but I just singly am not able to feel energized and enthusiastic. Actually about stuff like that. And the other way that I feel like for my energy, like if I have people around me, even though I have more consistent energy towards people, if there are people that are what I'll say, really energetically out of whack, I have to really check myself. And when I say out of whack, I mean people that are kind of like skimming off the top where they're just interacting, they're not being they're not being really aware of how their energy is affecting or affected. And they're just wildly all over the place. I have to really check myself to be to bring myself in and almost like create sort of a protective barrier or wall so that I don't take that stuff on.

JJ Parker  22:52  
Yeah. So Yo, we've got a variety of different you know, ways Our energy either gets drained or Yeah, added to we flipped through these different states like all day long. Right, right, and just becoming more aware of where we are at any given time, like, Are we on? Are we in an energy drain? Or are we in a energy? Right? Right,

Melissa Albers  23:27  
right. And I think you know, just as sort of a bringing this all home, I think what's really important for everyone is to be able to take your own inventory, like recognize the people, the places and the processes, right? Like, look at it like from those three perspectives. How do you feel your energy is when you're in environments or with people or doing things that are very easy for you and very pleasing for you? And are and maybe even soothing for you, and where and where do you feel that in your body and and How does that make you feel in terms of your energy overall? Do you feel optimistic? Do you feel like energized like you want to just go do stuff. And then take your inventory on the opposite side people, places and processes that you find more challenging that drain you more. And having having that awareness between those two gives you an opportunity to sometimes even plan your day accordingly. Yeah, you have a lot of control over that kind of thing. You have a lot more control over it, then you realize,

JJ Parker  24:33  
you know what we should do? What we should do. Between now and next week when we record our podcast. Uh huh. Just every night write down what thing? What thing drained what thing added? Oh, that's gonna do it next week. Oh, that's a really good, that's our accountability, partner activity. Maybe everyone else will do it too.

Melissa Albers  24:55  
I love it. And then I will also say one last little tip as it relates to Energy is people have like I was saying you have a lot more control over this than you realize and choose the things in your day that you have to do that you find more draining, do those at a time of day when you feel more energetic and get them done. So if you're a morning person and you have to do some stuff you don't really like do it right away in the morning and then it doesn't continually drain your energy as you think about it throughout the day.

Unknown Speaker  25:25  
Yeah, that's a great tip.

Melissa Albers  25:26  
Yeah, but yeah, well come back and check on each other next week. I love that idea. I look

JJ Parker  25:30  
really, I look forward to your extremely detailed technical spreadsheet about our energy

Unknown Speaker  25:38  
graphed hourly

Melissa Albers  25:40  
with a large marker

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Discussed in this episode

Let's get real

Meet your guides

JJ Parker

JJ Parker is a serial entrepreneur passionate about building creative strategy, efficient operations, and unique marketing perspectives. Parker got his start as a student at The Minneapolis Institute of Art, and soon after launched his first company Tightrope Media Systems (TRMS) with a high school buddy in 1997.

Melissa Albers

Melissa is passionate about developing people’s self-awareness and ability to positively interact with others. She focuses on the importance of building influence, and highlights the most important relationship we have is with self first. Ms. Albers speaks on leadership and self-awareness, and has shared the stage with John Maxwell (Leadership Author and Speaker), Lee Cockerell (Exec VP of Disney) and Les Brown (Motivational Speaker) to name a few.

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