JJ and Melissa talk about the difference between abundance and scarcity in their lives, and how their thinking patterns bring them more of what they want.
Melissa Albers 0:00
Hey everyone, you are listening to the self awareness journey podcast. This little banter is about a car ride long and features your hosts, JJ Parker, and Melissa Albers. JJ owns a tech company. And Melissa has been a coach working with influencers for the last 18 years.
JJ Parker 0:17
All right, Melissa, so we just ended our recording of our last episode, which is what are you going to attract in 2021? Yes, and we love this topic so much. So we just hit the record button again. And we're just gonna keep rolling on this for the next episode. Because there's so much to talk about when we talk about attraction and attracting things and manifesting things manifesting what, what you want in your life,
Melissa Albers 0:47
right? Yes, yeah, I am. And you, I love it. Because as soon as we hit stop, you said, Oh, we didn't talk about abundance, and we're missing this huge part. And it's so true, like, because both of us really do have an abundance mindset. Mm hmm. just naturally, our personalities have an abundance mindset. And that's a choice. That's not just an natural foregone conclusion, it's a choice.
JJ Parker 1:17
Yeah. So what we're talking about here is the idea that we live in a, you know, state and a life in a universe of abundance. Not in a, in a universe of scarcity.
Melissa Albers 1:35
JJ Parker 1:35
So when, when we're thinking about this idea, you know, an example would be us a scarcity mindset, which means, hey, there's I'm not gonna have enough food, I don't have shelter. I am not gonna have enough money, and I'm not gonna have the right job. I'm not gonna have these things that I need. Right, right.
Melissa Albers 1:59
JJ Parker 2:00
Which causes people to be extremely maybe competitive, very scared. Fear. Your fear creeps up with a scarcity mindset. very competitive, right? Yeah, I need to take, I need to take what's mine I need to take from as whatever I can get, because I need to I need to hoard it. Right. I need to keep it.
Melissa Albers 2:21
Yeah. Yeah. And that could be not just physical things that is a mental state. Like you could even be hoarding mentally, you know, things that you really hold dear. Like, I always say that when we're talking about like, this kind of scarcity, like the word that always comes to mind is constriction. Like, we're constricting ourselves. We're pinching ourselves off from all that is and all that's available to us, because we are holding so tightly to what we do
JJ Parker 2:52
have what you have. Yep. And yeah, nice. Interesting, isn't it?
Melissa Albers 2:57
Yeah. And and I think that, I think that when you start seeing people feel really unhappy, and you see people become mentally unhealthy. There's a fear creeps in a lot of times, I think this scarcity thing, it's, it's related to fear. You know, absolutely.
JJ Parker 3:17
It's a fear. I mean, you say that there's the two sponsoring feelings, right. Even fear, love and fear. And, and it comes from the fear side.
Melissa Albers 3:26
Yeah, absolutely. And then, but then there's also this abundant side, and this is, you know, like, when you hear people like motivational speakers and stuff like that talking about, you can have all these things, we're really not talking about that kind of false abundance. It's a, like, I'm referring more to, like, the sense of the awareness that you really can have, whatever it is that you want, and you will attract more and more of what you already have. Mm hmm. Right.
JJ Parker 4:03
Yeah. Well, from for me, here's the thing that I do that is in this abundance, mindset, and I don't want this to come off. Bad or, or, like, conceited or something, but, like around money. Yeah. Like, like, I just really don't worry about money. Like my philosophy is, I'll just get more money, right? Like, this idea. Like, like, like, if we donate a bunch of money, yeah. We'll just donate a bunch of money to help other people. And what will happen to us is not a fear thing for me. It's not like, oh, we're gonna give away all our money. It's like, No, I'm gonna give some money away. And then more money will just come.
Melissa Albers 4:53
Right, right. Yes.
Unknown Speaker 4:54
That's how I feel. That's just how it works.
Melissa Albers 4:56
That's so funny. Do you know that
JJ Parker 4:59
we had a laugh. Got one. Yeah, I only think about the getting the getting and having have I just have it and it and it comes in different ways, and I just don't have to worry about it.
Melissa Albers 5:09
Yeah. And this isn't because of any economic or socio status. This is a core belief. Yeah. Like this is a core belief. This is this is a treating money, like it's a resource, and that resources are plentiful. Yeah. And that's, you know, of all the years you and I have worked together and went bene, you know, had some really deep conversations. We've actually never talked about our relationship with money before.
JJ Parker 5:41
Yeah, we don't talk about that very often. Mm
Melissa Albers 5:43
hmm. Even when we were closing down cardiology, and we had lost a lot of money. And both of us had to write. Both of us had to write big checks, big checks, big checks. And it was sad. And it was, we were so sad about everything coming to an end, even though we were there. We never even talked about how are we going to do this, there's not going to be any more what are we going to do? We'd never ever even talk like that. Isn't that interesting? And now, I think it's because both of us have this exact same core belief is that whatever resource is important to us. There is an abundance and a flow.
JJ Parker 6:26
Mm hmm. Yeah, flow is a good word.
Melissa Albers 6:29
JJ Parker 6:30
Is it just caught? Yeah. Yeah. Not like articulates. It's hard to sometimes articulate these feelings, right. I know, it really was words. Like, I always say that. That. Like language is bad. You know, abstraction on your feelings? I guess there's not enough. Yeah. Never created words to explain a lot of the things that happen in the universe. Yeah, we're definitely not one of them. That is hard to explain with words. How we think all those works.
Melissa Albers 7:00
Yeah. And yeah, exactly. Well, just like it's, they always say that to like, when you learn a second language, it's the same thing. It's like you can't possibly translate your feelings in a second language. And because the words aren't exact, like they don't even measure that either, right? So it's very, very difficult. But let me ask you this, like, let's just talk about, like, from your I'd be really interested to hear from you. Let's talk about scarcity for a little bit. Like, how do you recognize scarcity in your world, like, whether it be the people that you're around? Or what when do you notice the energy of scarcity the most?
JJ Parker 7:43
In Okay, let's see, in mice like I, I hear I hear that question. I think about like, Are you asking for when I recognize it in myself, or when I recognize it and other people
Melissa Albers 7:53
anything? Like, I'm just curious to hear your thinking about it? Yeah.
JJ Parker 7:58
Well, I get to me this scarcity mindset when I see it, and other people, it really, it really comes up as fear. It's, it's what if we don't have enough money in it seems to always be around the words. What if? Ah,
Melissa Albers 8:15
interesting. Okay. That's interesting,
JJ Parker 8:17
right? It's like, like, what if, what if we lose our house? What if we lose our jobs? What if? What if, what if, what if? And, to me, that level of worrying? And like, I wouldn't even call it contingency planning? Yeah. Right. It's just straight worrying. Yeah, you won't have enough. And, and I don't want to downplay that worry. Because it's real. A lot of people. That's why I really worry about that.
Melissa Albers 8:49
Right. That's true.
JJ Parker 8:52
But as we talked about, as we talk about things like the law of attraction and creating our experience around us that what if thinking is yummy, it's dangerous
Melissa Albers 9:10
thing. There it is. Yeah, it's kind of scary. constricting. Yeah.
JJ Parker 9:15
Then it's the end. For me personally, it's the kind of thinking that I don't allow myself to turn into a habit. Yeah. Sometimes I find myself saying, oh, what if you know, what if this happens, but then it's like, oh, there's the what if
Melissa Albers 9:32
Yeah, and that's an anxiety
JJ Parker 9:34
thinking pattern. Uh huh. Right now and we're gonna think about Yeah, like the state of a state that I don't have to be in the what if situation?
Melissa Albers 9:45
Sure. Right. So
JJ Parker 9:46
yeah, have to be in a scarcity situation. So I change my thinking patterns.
Melissa Albers 9:51
Yes. You feel good. To
JJ Parker 9:52
feel better. Yeah. And a feeling of having a not a feeling of scared.
Melissa Albers 9:58
Well, I just wanted to ask because We're focusing on the word scarcity and abundance, and we're focusing on money. But I actually think that if we took money off the table, and we talked about these two words as energy only, boy, that becomes really interesting to like, you can be in the room with people who have a scarcity mindset. And it might not even be straight fear of, it might not even be a straight fear of something. So dramatic is the loss of a house or something like that. It could be just a standard pattern of thinking, like, people that have a lot of scarcity mentality, oftentimes will be very competitive with coworkers, they will want to have more attention from a boss or from someone of influence in their workplace, because they're afraid that that attention that they got will be the only attention that they ever do get. Yeah. Or, or if there's a certain amount of budgetary or there's a certain amount of space available in a constricted office, that there is this sense of scarcity, like if I don't map out my fences, and I don't get as much as possible in this moment, there will never be another moment for me to recover.
JJ Parker 11:14
Yeah, well, so to push it farther outside the Yeah. The actual, like, scarcity of resources or objects or, or money or things like that. Talk about the abundance or the scarcity of feeling loved.
Melissa Albers 11:35
Yeah. Yes. Like, that's a really interesting,
JJ Parker 11:41
if you are in abundance mindset, when it comes to love, you know? Like, do you have that feeling? surrounds you?
Melissa Albers 11:51
Yeah, right. Yeah.
JJ Parker 11:53
But if you think, oh, no one will ever love me. I'm not a love. I'm not, I'm not the kind of person that people can love. And, or you're very, or you don't put that out yourself. Right? Like, it's a scarce resource that is hard for you to even produce. Yeah. You're not gonna get that feeling very much.
Melissa Albers 12:15
Yeah, that's such a great. Oh, that is such a deep thinking pattern, like thinking about that's really interesting. Because too, like, if you think about, like, younger relationships, you know, like, when you have a significant other relationship, if you have a more scarcity mindset, often what that looks like, is wanting to be a lot more controlling of the relationships that you have, again, because there's this big fear that these are the only relationships that I have, I need to get everything that I can in this moment from this relationship. Because what if it's not there tomorrow? You know, or, and and it's it is it's, it's a it's a, it happens so often, it happens so often without us actually recognizing what that is.
JJ Parker 13:04
Yep. Yeah, that's a really interesting one, isn't it? Because we, we all probably had relationships, especially like romantic relationships where when we were younger, it was like, This is the only thing this is the only time and this is the only one is very scarcity. Yeah, very scarce mindset. Yeah. Whereas maybe as we mature, you know, we start to understand that yeah, that's not that wasn't the only one and and I'll have other relationships in the future.
Melissa Albers 13:44
Yeah, you know, you know, you can you can set scarcity in people a mile away, you can sense when someone is constricted, you can sense when they have that more competitive mindset, you sense when they have that set, whole actor self that we talked about in the self awareness journey, that whole armoring up, because I'm afraid I, I'm afraid that the resources that I have the relationships I have, the things I have the people around me, the opportunities for me, are very short lived, and I just got lucky, they're not going to come around again. So therefore, I need to act very different to keep them and hold on to them and keep my fist very tightly closed around them. And that's that constriction piece again,
JJ Parker 14:27
yeah. The other way I like to think about abundance and scarcity is around creativity. Oh, in art. Oh, yes.
Unknown Speaker 14:39
Melissa Albers 14:40
me more about that.
JJ Parker 14:41
Well, so in, you know, we're all creative, right? We're all creating all of the time, whether you think whether you're going to label yourself as an artist or not. You are an artist and speaker City as it applies to art, to me looks a lot like if you do some work that you really like, I, you can really easily think like, wow, that was like my best idea ever. I'm never gonna have such I'm never gonna have this kind of idea.
Melissa Albers 15:21
Okay, I've totally,
JJ Parker 15:23
I've had that inspiration struck and this is my one and only time I better make the best of it. Because Because this is the this is the peak, and I'll never have an idea again,
Melissa Albers 15:34
right just actually uncovered one of my scarcity mindsets that I never knew I had. You did this whole like remodeling project that we did. It turned out absolutely beautifully. I keep walking around thinking, I can't believe this is where I get to live. Like, this is so beautiful. And I'm so glad. And I think to myself, I'm serious when I say this, Oh, I'm so glad that we did this on the main level because I'll never be able to recreate this again. I actually think that way. I actually think that way with it when it comes to creative endeavors, like our projects are things that are very visual. So you just busted me on something I realized, good. Dang it. rats. So let's Can we talk? Can we Oh, go ahead. Sorry.
JJ Parker 16:21
Go No, go ask away.
Melissa Albers 16:22
No, I was just gonna say can we like switch gears? Let's talk about abundance.
JJ Parker 16:26
Yes. Well, I just because I that's where I was gonna go to like, yeah, abundance in an abundance mindset in creative endeavors. To me, means that, like, your creative well is infinitely deep, like you can just keep creating and creating and creating. And yeah, we've we've had an episode, I think about the creative process a while back. And, you know, the fact is, some of it resonates, some of it doesn't. But the idea that you're gonna run out of ideas or that Yeah, your creativity is somehow gonna dry up, right? It's not, it's not sure it's a limited resource. It's not it's it's infinite. Your your creative ability is infinite. Yes, that will never stop. Yes, yeah. Even when you're 101 years old, it'll never stop.
Melissa Albers 17:18
The I even just in their conversations starting to talk about abundance, I felt my energy shift to one that felt more expansive. So like, when we were talking about scarcity, I felt very constricted. And it started to feel heavy, like everything felt heavy, and but just noticing the energy behind even the discussion of abundance. Imagine what it could be, if we just started to shift our mindset, even again, 5%, five degrees, to being more open to what is possible for us how light that feels, and how expansive that energy feels inside. It feels really good.
JJ Parker 17:59
And once again, that abundance mindset that openness, you said it we said it in the last episode that but but the openness of the abundance mindset, yeah, is the key, especially in creative works. It's like you You are open to all things that come. They might be unexpected. They might be from left field, they you just don't know. But But being open to everything. Yes, that can come and shedding that scarcity mindset of worrying that nothing will come. Yeah, that's the key. Yeah, the idea that, that your inspiration will strike just be open to it. Yeah. Just and, and, and release and let go of fear that it's not
Melissa Albers 18:48
even things that in the moment don't seem favorable, are also part of abundance. So like, for example. So I have literally trained my brain this way. No. And it took took a little while, mostly because I'm hard headed, not because it's hard.
JJ Parker 19:05
I liked because I'm hard headed, not because
Melissa Albers 19:12
the other quote that I just loved that heard yesterday is a whole lot of aptitude hidden behind a bad attitude. I had to really retrain and reframe my mind. But for example, like when abundance is happening, for example, some things happen along the way that we don't feel good about. And a lot of times if we go to that scarcity mindset, we suddenly think, Oh my gosh, it's not going to happen. See, it's failed. I can't do this. It shouldn't have happened. Rather than even everything down to something as simple as timing. Like, I'm supposed to leave to be on time I need to leave at this time. And all of a sudden, something sidetracks us Oh my gosh, I'm on empty, my car's on empty. I'm gonna have to stop I'm going to end up being late and then ending up getting to the gas station. And while you're filling up your pump, you get a call from the person saying I'm sorry, I can't meet. I hope it wasn't too inconvenient for you. And here, you're only a block from home because you had to stop to get gas. Like, it's normally how you could get into a real rut and think, Oh, I'm in and focus on what seems to be the negative part of the scarcity part of the equation, actually is while you are in flow in this abundance mindset, it just carries you and if you keep going exactly like you said, don't get hung up on that little stuff. That seems
JJ Parker 20:29
Oh, yeah. That's super funny that you say that? Because when I reflect on that, that happens to me all the time. Like something that seems to have gone wrong. Yes. Almost always just works out totally fine. Or even better. Yeah. And then it would have, yeah, so
Melissa Albers 20:48
yeah, it's a it's like somebody gave this visual once years ago. And I love it. It's like if you're standing in the corner of a room, and your goal that you want is diagonally in the other corner of the room, it would seem that when you're making a plan to get to that goal, it would be a straight shot across that room. But the reality is, is that you didn't see there were 50 chairs and tables and boxes in that room, making your path all sorts of loopy doopy ways to get to that opposite corner. So it didn't happen in the way that you expected. And yet that goal is still absolutely there for you in full abundance.
JJ Parker 21:25
Yeah. Yeah. Well, as we were talking about what we want to 2021 to look like and attracting what kind of reality we wanted for 2021. Yeah. It just, again, like we said, at the beginning, it really struck me that a key part of that is the abundance mindset is to say, hey, all of these things can and will come for me. Mm hmm. Releasing that fear that it won't and being open to having all that experience.
Melissa Albers 22:01
Yeah, my best friend that lives in the UK Fiona. She always says, What is for you won't go by you. And I love that. What is for
JJ Parker 22:12
you won't go by what a great phrase.