Melissa Albers  0:00  
Hey everyone, you are listening to the self awareness Journey podcast. This little banner is about a car ride long and features your hosts, JJ Parker. And Melissa Albert's JJ owns a tech company. And Melissa has been a coach working with influencers for the last 18 years. Okay, so I was thinking about something, JJ. And I almost called you last night, because this is a really big deal.

JJ Parker  0:24  
Lay it on me. That's awesome.

Melissa Albers  0:27  
So, you know, I actually wonder if we got something wrong in the self awareness journey.

JJ Parker  0:35  
Oh, that's interesting. Yeah.

Melissa Albers  0:37  
So you know, we have all of these, you know, how we've got feelings. So we've got the personal focus, we've got all this. We've got all these stops in the roadmap. So

JJ Parker  0:46  
you're talking about the roadmap, we're talking right now? Yep. You're talking about the roadmap? Yep. We just yesterday, we're re recording some of the lessons stuff, right. Yeah, exactly. So you're talking about? The, one of the one of the elements of the roadmap? Yeah, I think we got wrong.

Melissa Albers  1:04  
Yeah. And and, and I think the reason I came to this is something that you said, when we were doing all that filming, you said, you know, I think that as we get these lessons more succinct, because they used to be 25 minutes long, and we're trying to be easier for people, right, and make them a little shorter, and still not lose any of the essence of it. Yeah. And as we got to the environmental feels like I still really liked that lesson. But it just there was something that was missing for me. And I realized it last night, and that is this, the environmental feels is the last stop we make before we come home. And the environmental feels, as it stated in the self awareness journey. Presently, it's like, notice what your environment feels like, if it's hard for you to connect emotionally with your own awareness. You can certainly like, check in with the environment. And does the environment feel competitive? Does it feel inflexible? You know, those are representations of your own feelings, right? Because you're creating your own reality. Yeah, but the thing I think that we missed, is that the environmental feels is really a person's Check Point on how they're doing like, it's the external manifestation of all of this work, how you are being treated by other people. How your work feels? Yeah. Is 100% based on how you are in yourself in your journey?

JJ Parker  2:37  
Interesting. Okay. So when, when we would talk about environmental fields before? Yep, we were using it as like a Why would I was position it I guess as like, like, Okay, we, we talked about, you know, if we did run down the road, we talked about triggers. Yeah, we talked about feelings that we talked about authentic versus actor, self. And then we say, hey, if just being straight up in touch with your feelings, and and understanding when you're in your actor, authentic self is too much of a stretch for you right now. Let's think about, let's, let's focus on your thinking patterns and your thoughts. And that we call that personal focus, like, what do you think, you know, are you monkey brain in over a bunch of stuff? All the time. And then we say, hey, if that one's even challenging, let's talk about how your environment feels. You know? And that's where you're saying, Does it feel? Does it feel feel supportive and calm? Or does it feel repetitive and rigid? Right? Yeah. And, and you're observing this. And that will help you be more aware, like of your emotions, right? Because if I'm feeling or are you are we even talking about how like, notice how other people are in your environment, like, do other people think your office is competitive while you're also in that same office? So it's likely you're feeling that Right, right. And then we go so far as to say, if your environment feels a certain way, you're actually creating that because that's right. Like two people could walk into the same room. One could feel that it's a terrible place to be. Right. One could feel it's a wonderfully supportive place. There's no difference in the walls. That's right. That's right. It's the perspective of those people.

Melissa Albers  4:32  
Yeah, that's right. Exactly. So

JJ Parker  4:33  
we're trying to we're using it as like a way but you're you're taking it far diagnostic what what I was, yeah, diagnose it. That's a great word. We are using it as a diagnostic tool. But you're saying, hey, it's beyond that. We stopped too short.

Melissa Albers  4:49  
I'm saying it is all of that and so much more like yeah, so yes, in answer to your question. I feel like the environmental feels. You know, we talk about does it feel support Have, you feel like it's stable and pretty flexible for you to be in. And that would be an environment that is in the actor self side, or sorry, in the authentic self. So we're really feeling ourselves and feeling easy going and feeling good. The actor self environment, again, is that constant state of redo, we're in constant flux, everything feels dramatic. We feel like it's inflexible. We can't make mistakes, we're constantly checking ourselves. And and it's a great diagnostic tool, the environmental field stop is a great diagnostic tool. But here's the thing. It is a an amazing stop for us to check our work. What I mean by that is exactly as you always say, we create our own realities. And that is so true, here's a place for you to check your work. Because the way people are treating you, the environment that you are spending your time in, is 100% directly related to the work that you are doing in or just in being, the way you are being like scratch that work that you're doing Scratch that, the way that you are being this environmental feels is your checkpoint to come back to 100 times. If all of a sudden people start treating you in a way that they come into instant partnership with you in a trusting way. They know that they're going to come to you and they're going to be received with certain things. That's a manifestation of what you are putting out, right? Because we get more of what we put out. That which we spend our energy on comes back to us 100 times over anything we think, say and do comes back to us 10 times more. And this environmental feels is your checkpoint. It's like the gate. I just feel like it's a swinging gate.

JJ Parker  6:50  
What if it is so yeah, I like how we try to like, visualize some of these abstract concepts. I thought it was a revolving door that you got stuck in. I just I run around. I

Melissa Albers  7:01  
did that once in front of the VP of sales. When I was a young salesperson with my roller bag, I got stuck in it. That's a horrible thing. I won't ever use revolving door. It's an example. I'm still marred

JJ Parker  7:17  
trauma. Well, so I like what you're saying is that, that we kind of we were using it as a diagnostic thing. I like that, that we can still use it as that, but almost in a more repetitive way. Like, what it made me start thinking about when you're talking about I was like, Okay, I like, if we start using that part of the roadmap and that part of the teaching, yeah. Right to say, hey, like, use it diagnostically. But but go beyond that and start. Why like using fat to create what you want? Yeah, it made me think like, yeah, like at the bottom, it's like reflect refocus. Remember that maybe that, that manifesting your own environment is a little bit part of that. Like I'm trying to figure out like how those two puzzle pieces fit together? Because once again, we're like, yeah, no, developing this roadmap, kind of as we go and be rough is this is like a refinement.

Melissa Albers  8:31  
I think that's pretty normal, though maps usually do get updated once or twice a year because new roads get put in all the time. Right? I, I think I guess what I'm saying is it's it is everything that we have said it is like it is a really good stop on the on the map and the reflector II focus. Remember, these are all single things for us to help ourselves to constantly gain more awareness. Like that's the whole point. So that and again, what's the point is just to be happy, to feel happiness to learn to be more centered and stable. And I guess what I'm saying is with the environmental fields, it isn't just that's not just the internal representation, right. That's our way of doing a quick check. And noticing, so like, let me give you an example. I coached this woman a long time ago who, to be honest, she was pretty snarky, and she was so incredibly smart, but she was really kind of snarky. And she had a she had to partner with another leader in the organization who was another very strong woman. And the two of them just did not get on at all. And so my client did a lot of work in the self awareness journey. A lot of she embraced that on her own. She loved it before I was even asking people to do it much she was all in and she started to change her feelings about that woman. She started to change her feelings and she started to perceive that other woman differently. Even though that woman never changed one single thing about who she was, my client started to picture and see things differently. And that other woman came up to her out of the blue and at had a totally different attitude with her one day, and was kind and asked her, instead of ordering her to have something done, she asked her when she thought she could have it done. And that was such a shift. And my client called me and said, Did you say something to her?

JJ Parker  10:28  
And I was like, oh, yeah, see that. So something else was in play, right.

Melissa Albers  10:32  
But she could check in with the environment. And notice that one of the people in that environment had a certain way with her. And in her own personal work, suddenly, that person did not have the same way with her at all. And that happens all the time.

JJ Parker  10:45  
That's a really great story. That's, that's illustrating like, a shift in someone's attitude, perception, energy. And a response created a different external result, a different environment that they were in.

Melissa Albers  11:02  
Yeah. So you know, my client could easily look at this roadmap in six months. And she could pick all the individuals or all the, you know, examples in her environment that bothered her or that caused her a lot of stress caused her anxiety, or that she made excuses for she could easily in six months time or every month or every week, she could capture those same exact things and and look at them now and say, Are they different? As a result of the work that I have? Not the work? I just hate? I hate saying that. I don't mean it that way. I don't mean that this is hard work. It's not it's simply allowing yourself to be more and accepting yourself more. But is the is my ability to accept myself more changing all of these things around me? Mm hmm. So that's what I was like, I feel like we were sort of missing that single piece. That is the place where people can really check in and notice,

JJ Parker  12:01  
Wow, it really changes grow. Right. I mean, to me, that's like, that's a, like you said, it's a very measurable it's not the right word. But it's a really like, like you can see it oh, just like you can really see it. Right. Huh. Yeah. So I like I like this episode so far. Because it's like, very true insight into even the idea of the self awareness journey, which is continual growth. And here we are even trying to work out little bits of it as we try to help other people.

Melissa Albers  12:36  
Yeah, yeah. And I don't feel one bit bad about it. I mean, I remember when I was in sales, this is before there were cell phones and map quests, and they would sell these maps that are laminated, and they would fold up into these little rectangles. And you, you know, on one side would be the whole state, and then on the on the flip side would be just the metro area. Oh, yeah, you remember those? I do. And I literally shut up, I remember vividly. And I have no sense of direction. So I could get lost in a parking lot, even trying not to, but every year, they would come out with a new one. And they came up with a new one, because they were always changing something. There is always something changing in that map. So I always couldn't wait for the new map. Such a dark

JJ Parker  13:25  
side of the roads, or

Melissa Albers  13:30  
maybe I won't get lost in Eden Prairie because he has 75 Valley View roads and none of them connect.

JJ Parker  13:42  
Well, okay, so what are we gonna do about this? Well, if we're really like, sharing, you know, how our secret sauce is made?

Unknown Speaker  13:53  
Like we need to,

JJ Parker  13:53  
what are we gonna do about

Melissa Albers  13:54  
it? I think we need to redo that lesson at a minimum. And we need to start framing that a little differently in our, in our conversations, when whenever we get a chance to do some teaching on that. I feel like we need to expand what that really is and what it really can do for people.

JJ Parker  14:10  
So here's, here's a question. Here's my, here's a question I have for you from that perspective. Yeah, yes. We have those lessons like this late last round, we're trying to hit eight to 10 minutes. Yep. On those. We hit eight minutes, just talking about the diagnostic part of environmental fields. I'm wondering how we actually talk about those sides of that in that time constraint, or does this go somewhere else? Like it's not like it's a next stop. But does it actually go in reflect refocus, remember? Hmm, bit of the process?

Melissa Albers  15:01  
Ah, that's such a good question. Because if you're right, you started to say that earlier, and I wasn't there with you, but now that you're seeing it like that I am. Yeah, I think it could easily go on the refectory focus and remember portions.

JJ Parker  15:16  
And I don't know how it goes in there. But that's the To me that's the part of the cycle, right? Like if we're trying to get an A get ourselves into a little bit of a cycle. So we can get more practice, right, we can practice every day. Is that where it goes?

Melissa Albers  15:34  
Yeah. And if it does, if it doesn't go there

JJ Parker  15:38  
to have a fourth are

Melissa Albers  15:40  
no, I think, opposite order. I think it should be refloat reflect, remember and refocus.

JJ Parker  15:50  
Oh, yeah. That's a good call. In that order in the beginning,

Melissa Albers  15:55  
I don't know. It's a year old. See, it's time for the new laminate to come out. Yes. It's

JJ Parker  16:02  
you said? You said,

Melissa Albers  16:04  
reflect. Remember refocus. Yeah, reflect one of my feelings right now, that definitely has to stay as number one. Remember, my body gives me cues about my feelings and thoughts. And when I pay attention and make choices that feel good, everything always works out for me, refocus, I'll gently guide my thoughts back to the ones that have and create positive feelings in my body.

JJ Parker  16:30  
So part of that reflect, part of that reflect stuff feels to me like it should be around like, it's like, reflects. But it's also observe.

Melissa Albers  16:41  
Yeah, I don't know if at that moment, we want to say that it has to do with the environment, because we can't be at that environmental piece until we've really gotten accustomed to the whole pattern of the Yes. So I don't know. So maybe that I don't know, maybe it doesn't go there. Maybe it does stay in environment. But it does have to stay there. And we just because we frame that.

JJ Parker  17:02  
Because when we really are reflecting, right, we're reflecting on all of those stops along the journey. Right? We're not just reflect I was I think I was being too. Yeah, narrow. Right. But your reflect on like, are we being an actor authentic self? Yeah. And are we

Melissa Albers  17:21  
and the really remember, this is meant for the people who are really brand new in this process. And they're and they get off center. That's what the whole point is. It's like suddenly something triggers me but I don't know how to get back. I don't know how I feel good. I don't know what any of this is about. Now, I just know enough about all this to feel terrible. And I don't know what to do. So this was meant to just say it's okay. Just guide yourself back. In the moment. It's okay. Reflect on what you were just thinking that made you feel bad. What what happened there?

JJ Parker  17:51  
Yep. Yep, you're right. Okay. So we will tighten up the diagnostic part of it to be okay. I think it'll be a little bit. I think you're right. But

Melissa Albers  18:05  
like, what I really like about that, if we think about it in a little more of an expansive way, though, is it does bring it does bring the whole point to not just being in partner salt partnership with yourself, but the benefits of being in partnership with other people from a more centered space. Like, wow, that is there is direct ways that it's so much easier if we always say it's easier for you to be in partnership with people. Well, this is where you can check.

JJ Parker  18:33  
Yep. Okay, yeah. I like it. Okay. All right. Well, I guess we got some work to do.

Melissa Albers  18:40  
That's different.

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