A Founder's Fear

In certain times of our lives we feel more vulnerable to other people's feedback.  We know enough about ourselves to start worrying about that feedback before it even comes. But how do we smooth out this internal thinking process to allow more time to feel the powerful feeling of creation, and less time anxiously awaiting something that may not even be real?

June 29, 2021
Show/Hide Transcript

Melissa Albers  0:00  
Hey everyone, you are listening to the self awareness Journey podcast. This little banner is about a car ride long and features your hosts, JJ Parker, and Melissa Albers. JJ owns a tech company. And Melissa has been a coach working with influencers for the last 18 years.

JJ Parker  0:18  
So we're rolling out a South Florida attorney 12 week program to my company. Yes, I

Melissa Albers  0:24  
know. So, Nick, we've

JJ Parker  0:26  
done this twice before to two other companies. Right. We? We think it works, right. Yeah. I'm pretty proud of it. Yeah. We've had really great feedback. Yes, exactly. And we have a say, like, our program down, right. Like, it's, it's 12 weeks. Employees get an email once a week. It has a lesson. It has like a podcast. It kicks off with a video from like the CEO. And it's pretty great.

Melissa Albers  1:04  
With employee reflections videos, too. Oh, yeah. And replay. Yeah.

JJ Parker  1:07  
And we yeah, we make these videos of from from what the employees. It's, it's really awesome.

Melissa Albers  1:14  
It's super, super high.

JJ Parker  1:18  
And so what we thought is actually my leadership team, when we're doing quarterly planning said, hey, we'd love to do something out of mental health. And I was like, Cool. Why don't we just do the self awareness journey? Mm hmm. Because, like, here it is, it's like we can just most I can just just do it. And so I committed to that. And we started working on it last week. Right. So it's like my two little worlds. Yeah. are colliding. Right. My little like, tech software company world. Yeah. And my side project, self awareness journey. Yeah, world. Yeah, I'm feeling emotion there. Right. And I was getting so anxious last week, like crazy anxious about it, like, to the point where, where Mitch was making was collecting and making the employee real flexions video. Yeah, videos, that and he's like, Hey, you should watch these. These are pretty good. And I couldn't even watch them.

Melissa Albers  2:24  

JJ Parker  2:26  
Wow. Right. Yeah. And I, you and I recorded my, like, my kickoff video because like, like, what the formula is, is that the CEO or the leadership kicks off the Mental Health Program, right. While for my company, that's me, right? It is. That's true. So we recorded it. And I am the guy that has to edit it. I edited it. I didn't even watch it. I just like okay, where's the cut? Where's the front? Where's the end? I didn't watch the middle. I don't know why I had. I don't know why I have such a block around it. Like I'm, I'm I'm just like super anxious about it rolling out. Yeah, team.

Melissa Albers  3:09  
Yeah. I, I can understand that. First of all, like, but I think it isn't, it isn't as much anxiety is I think there's probably some deeper things in there. You and I have talked about this a little bit. We've skirted the issues of these, you know, some of these feelings that we get when we're in creation mode. And it is scared first of all, it's scary to put this stuff out. Like it is scary to put out these deeper messages of how we actually feel like our authentic raw creations. I think that's really scary. And to do so amongst peers, or people that know us from something else or something different. It has a different it has its own component of terrifying reaction. Yeah.

JJ Parker  4:04  
Right. Like, like, there's so many. There's so many just like, emotions I have about it. It's like, like, right, like, that's an interesting one. I never thought of as like, am I struggling with like, like JJ has a persona as a tech CEO, and also has this other self awareness journey, like persona or something. And they're colliding, right. Or they're gonna get mixed up. I don't think I don't know. Maybe that's part of it. And also putting your your art out there, right. This is not maybe the typical kind of project I'd work on. Right with my with my. My software team, right. Yeah, with my tech team, right, right. Well, what Do you want to say don't like it?

Melissa Albers  5:01  
And yeah, I was just gonna say what do you think is a source of the anxiety for you? Other than Okay, so the idea that they'll see you as a different kind of person that they saw you before?

JJ Parker  5:16  
Maybe. Although I don't think I'm that different at work than I am here. Yeah, but it could be that there's, there's definitely an element where like, I'm, I would say, I'm way more open during the podcast than I am. Yeah, just like day to day. Yep, yep. Right. Yeah, I do tell a lot of work stories. So they're gonna all hear the stories I tell sort of about, like, my number one source of content, which is them.

Melissa Albers  5:50  
That is not completely true. Completely,

JJ Parker  5:55  
partially true. I know the other source of contents my family. So there we go.

Melissa Albers  6:07  
Well, I, first of all,

JJ Parker  6:08  
there's that right. So there's those things swirling around.

Melissa Albers  6:12  
What else do you think there's more?

JJ Parker  6:14  
Well, and I want it to be good. I want to know, the point is the point of the self awareness journey, and everything we're doing is to help people Yeah, I feel that I feel that whole people in other companies, but now I'm bringing it to, like my own company and and like, like, I don't know, like, if the self awareness, journey, content and everything, like sucks, right? Yeah. If it doesn't resonate, yep. And like the everyone who's listening to the podcast now they're like, oh, yeah, this isn't for me. If that's okay, like, that's okay. For me. Like, I don't, I'm not gonna take that too. Personally, I think like, generally, being an artist diet, like have grown to be pretty resilient to Yeah, like, not everything's for everyone.

Melissa Albers  7:14  
Right? Yeah, you're better than I am. For sure.

JJ Parker  7:16  
When it comes to this with, like, my team, who I've spent the last year some of them 15 years with, yeah, the idea that, like, I would bring this project in, and they would not like it would feel really uncomfortable for me, and really like, like, the place the place where I've felt the most comfortable and accepted and part of would like reject a thing I made. Hmm. Right. I think that's this. That's like a big source of anxiety right there for me.

Melissa Albers  7:58  
Well, I Okay. I totally get that because I'm an executive coach. Right. So here, we're talking about feelings and talking about human interactions and talking about how we process things and how we improve. And I mean, talk about having anxiety that something's not good enough. What if the self awareness journey sucks? And my current clients, all of a sudden say, oh, Melissa, you're not as good as I thought you were. You're not the person. I thought you were. Right. That's really scary. Not only for my revenue, my p&l, but more importantly, in this conversation, my ego, right, like I would I would find that crushing. If, if this if this journey wasn't as meaningful as I thought it was. Yeah, if our art isn't as good as I think it is, that would be crushing. Yeah, I think this is pretty normal. I mean, it's got to be really normal to feel like this, don't you think? Listen to me trying to normalize it's very uncomfortable right now. Can you please just make me feel better?

JJ Parker  9:18  
Well, so what we're both dancing around, is that we, we have is it it's like a confidence thing? Yeah. Like I think so. It's a confidence thing.

Melissa Albers  9:31  
I think so I think or or the worry that it could take a notch out of what confidence we've already built. You know, the worry that you know that the and this is entrepreneurship at its finest. We're always playing the edge of crashing and burning are being wildly successful that there's just and

JJ Parker  9:53  
and Taryn in Victorian states. Come on,

Melissa Albers  9:57  
not as an entrepreneur do you think there is I don't know. Oh, you're moving towards the direction. And remember, we have substantiating evidence from our past to that would make us feel a little more uncomfortable. You know, we talked about it in other pods that we had a startup company that did not succeed in the way that we wanted it to. And we had great lessons. And it was very successful in a lot of ways, but not in the way that we had pictured that it would be. And so here we are, again, right? We do everything we can to not call this a business, we call this our project, we do absolutely everything that we can to keep it just light and easy, breezy, even though the topic is really how it can be very deep.

JJ Parker  10:43  
So, like, so my so my anxiety about that's it? That's interesting. Mm hmm. So like, my anxiety around bringing this to, to the team might be like around, Mike, my, my self confidence about it. Like being accepted with in the team? Mike, my fear of that, that it won't be good enough. Right? How do all these feelings creep up all the time? You know,

Melissa Albers  11:34  
I actually have a theory about that. What's that, my theory is, is that things come up in us when they're ready to be cleared. A lot of times, I don't think, you know, I always say there's so much further to go. And there really is we can talk about the same topic 10 times, and it's never the same topic. Because there's always more to see there's always more. And I always say it's kind of like cleaning out your closet, you'll go back and you'll find a shelf that you missed. Or you'll find something in the back corner that you didn't realize was there, and it gives you a chance to kind of clean that out again. And I think that as we emotionally develop and become more aware of ourselves, we recognize that our competence and our esteem is built from within, not from within, not from without and not from others. And the last vestiges of that control. It just keeps coming up until you and I think when it comes up for us, and it doesn't matter what the topic is, it's coming up for clearing again. It's like, we have an opportunity to really understand this and make decisions to say that thinking isn't serving me anymore.

JJ Parker  12:49  
Oh, that's, that's a really good way of looking at things. Actually, you know what? I never really looked at it like that. Like how I think a lot of times I would look at anxiety, and I don't get anxiety a lot. So I don't deal with it very well. But I always looked at my approach, my tried and true approach is trying to stop it. And avoiding it. Yeah. Right, right. That's what I've done my whole life. But you're saying, and maybe actually, like even talking through it with you now. Which is something I normally would not do. Is is to say hey, like, like, lean into that anxiety, bring it out? Start thinking it through and think about why maybe it's happening. And like, like work on it and move on from it and ask us ask like, is this still serving me? It's not like actually, I would say that, like avoiding, like avoiding confidence, or not having self confidence, and then avoiding it has really not served me very well for 40 years.

Melissa Albers  14:11  
Right. Well, well, actually, I would say that maybe

JJ Parker  14:14  
it served me well for a little while, but it hasn't recently.

Melissa Albers  14:17  
Yes. Because you've grown the way that you have handled things in the past because you've developed beyond that making any sense for you anymore. Yeah. But instead of feeling like we're failing because it's coming up again, it's like how come I keep having this happen? Why can't I just get over it? It's like, rather than that it is. Well, that's interesting, because here I am again, and I really don't like thinking like this anymore. Like I don't really feel like this is helping me. It used to make me produce better. It used to make me produce faster. It used to make me feel like I was doing something and now it just makes me feel yucky. You know, I don't think Think either that it's necessary to enter into this kind of self conversation in a warrior state. Because I think that's what a lot of people do is they gear themselves up, like, I've always been like this, and I'm in a fight that I'm not gonna, you know, fake it till you make it. And, you know, I don't really think that that is necessary. I think being gentle with ourselves and saying, You know what? Boy, oh boy, the last couple of days have not felt very good. And I wonder if it's because I'm ready to move on from this. And this is just a for clearing again. Maybe it's maybe I'm ready now. And, and maybe this way of thinking isn't really serving me anymore? Could that be okay for me? You know? Yeah, like, is it? Isn't that okay? Isn't that actually indicative of growth? In every possible way?

JJ Parker  15:57  
I look at it. Yeah, that's a really great way to look at it. Because I would say a lot of times I do put the brakes on, on my emotions and and these things, and then your rate, what can we do use a lot of more like aggressive words around it?

Melissa Albers  16:15  
I know. It's right. Yeah, the whole the whole, you know, and like Tony Robbins, and there's just this warrior energy that goes behind personal development that spurs people on, you know, and that's not all bad. I don't mean it in a negative way. But I just think in stuff like this, we have to be kind to ourselves and give ourselves enough space to say, oh, you know, I, I actually think that this doesn't feel good anymore. Not because I'm not professional at this kind of behavior. I am. But I just recognize that this behavior doesn't fit at all anymore. And that's okay. And if it keeps coming up, and the examples get harder and harder to deal with, and every time I have that feeling, it's worse, it's probably because I've really outgrown it. And that's okay. That's really, really awesome. Because something is replacing it something will be right behind it. That feels a lot better.

JJ Parker  17:17  
Yeah. Yeah. So it still feels for me, it's still it still feels a little awkward. Yeah. Like, the like, we're gonna, we're gonna start sending out the self awareness journey. 12 week program on Monday. All the videos are done. Everything's all set. I didn't watch any of it.

Melissa Albers  17:46  
I watched some of those employee videos, and I have to tell you, they're absolutely fantastic. Your employee base is so awesome. Um, it's i was i was i But I, but I really mean it. Like I was watching a couple of them. And I was like, Wow, I wonder if we could get permission to use these. So other

JJ Parker  18:10  
people knew someone high up at that company.

Melissa Albers  18:16  
We could ask permission of those employees and just say, you guys, this was so good. Can we use this as an example for other people of what's available?

JJ Parker  18:26  
Well, that's good to hear. That makes me feel less anxious. Yeah. That's cool.

Melissa Albers  18:33  
Oh, the other thing I did note about yours, which is hilarious is every one of your people have extremely good sound quality and video. And I wonder why that is. I have no idea even though they're all working from home because when we've done this with other companies, we're like, oh, they're from home. Oh, oh, we can't really hear them. It sounds like they've got a you know, an air fryer going on behind.

JJ Parker  18:57  
Well, that's, that's, that's good to hear. Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna I don't know. I'm not over the anxiety. This is helpful. Yes, it is helpful to have put it in a little bit more context. For me. i I wonder how many projects get good projects good ideas get killed right at this moment, right where people don't have I mean, frankly, the bravery to just get through it. I agree. Like how often how, how high would my anxiety have to get for me to pull the plug on this whole idea? Yeah, probably not a lot higher. Yeah.

Melissa Albers  19:48  
I heard that. I heard that what you just didn't say I totally heard everywhere. You know what, though? Don't you also think it really helps because we are in partnership together. There's more than just one It's not just you by yourself. It's not just me by myself.

JJ Parker  20:04  
Oh, yeah. If I would have done this somehow by myself and then try, like, there's no way I know until you and I had this conversation, I was right on the edge.

Melissa Albers  20:14  
And, and we would not be this far in the self worth journey if you had not been there for me because I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And you're like, let's just do a pod. Let's just do a podcast. And that was your way of being gentle and empathetic with me because I was like, hell no, I'm scared. I'm straight up scared.

JJ Parker  20:35  
Well, that's a super good future episode where we should talk about how, how Copart how creating things with a partner? Um, yeah, is super helpful. Yeah,

Melissa Albers  20:46  
we definitely think that always

JJ Parker  20:47  
yin and yang to these projects. And yeah, when one is up, the other is down. Yeah. When the other is down the others out? Yeah, for sure. It's kind of amazing how, how that works out. So. Okay, sweet. We will continue to send the emails Oh,

Unknown Speaker  21:04  
let it go. We dodged a bullet.

JJ Parker  21:09  
Everyone should stay tuned to a future episode where if it doesn't go, well, I'll be having an absolute like a fit about it.

Melissa Albers  21:17  
And a massive event. Yeah.

JJ Parker  21:22  
Thanks. That's super helpful.

Unknown Speaker  21:24  
What could go wrong?

JJ Parker  21:28  
So stay tuned, I guess what give will give us a status update in a few weeks.

Melissa Albers  21:35  
We hope that you've enjoyed today's episode. Our mission is to help people become happier and more effective by gaining insight into their own thoughts and feelings. We'd love your support. First, share this podcast with anyone you think might enjoy it. Second, leave us a rating or review on your favorite podcast safe. This helps others discover the podcast so we can reach more people. And third, sign up for our newsletter at the self awareness journey.com. This will help us communicate better with you and build our community. Thank you so much for joining us in the self awareness journey. We'll see you next week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Discussed in this episode

Let's get real

Meet your guides

JJ Parker

JJ Parker is a serial entrepreneur passionate about building creative strategy, efficient operations, and unique marketing perspectives. Parker got his start as a student at The Minneapolis Institute of Art, and soon after launched his first company Tightrope Media Systems (TRMS) with a high school buddy in 1997.

Melissa Albers

Melissa is passionate about developing people’s self-awareness and ability to positively interact with others. She focuses on the importance of building influence, and highlights the most important relationship we have is with self first. Ms. Albers speaks on leadership and self-awareness, and has shared the stage with John Maxwell (Leadership Author and Speaker), Lee Cockerell (Exec VP of Disney) and Les Brown (Motivational Speaker) to name a few.

Learn more about the topics in this episode

The Art of
Self Awareness Course

Have you ever wished that you could be happier inside more of the time? Does your productivity take a hit when your mood dips? Do you wish you would just do better but don’t know how?

If you answered YES to any or all of these questions, this course is for YOU.

Join The Self Awareness Journey to learn how feelings, when explored, inform us of our thoughts which ultimately cause our actions. When things don’t go as planned we often blame outside circumstances, people or timing. But most of us are unaware of our core feelings so we are never quite able to manifest our true desires.

Intrigued but want to know a little more?

Drop your contact information below and we'll keep you updated with our latest tips for increased self-awareness.