Melissa Albers  0:00  
Hey everyone, you are listening to the self awareness Journey podcast. This little banner is about a car ride long and features your hosts, JJ Parker. And Melissa Albert's JJ owns a tech company. And Melissa has been a coach working with influencers for the last 18 years. JJ, have you ever noticed like, in the fall? How everything starts over again? Have you just noticed that like, school starts again? Kids sports start again. You know, like fall leagues of things for adults start

JJ Parker  0:37  
pumpkin spice coffee drinks. Again, like that you're talking about

Melissa Albers  0:45  
exactly right. And there's this huge shift in energy as a result of that. The last couple of weeks in my coaching conversations, it's unreal how many people are in this transition period, and like, sort of trying to evaluate their own wellness and their own energy shift in all of this. Change or chaos?

JJ Parker  1:12  
Yeah, that's really interesting. I love the fall, like fall is my favorite season. Yeah. As like, I was getting out all my like, long sleeve shirts and sweaters the past few weeks. Like, super excited to like, like, just have you know, I don't know, there's something about the I mean, we're in Minnesota, right. So the temperature change? Yeah, right. Yeah. But you're right. It's more than just like, the physical change of the season. There does seem to be, like a different mentality for me. For me, it feels like calmer.

Melissa Albers  1:55  
What,

JJ Parker  1:56  
Paul? Oh, serious. Yeah. Because because summer is always crazy. Summer is like, Go Go, go. Let's go do this. Let's go do this. It's like, and again, in Minnesota, where it's like, temporarily nice. Like, zero. It's like we put ourselves like, like, oh, it's it's June. Start the timer. Try to get as much outside us stuff packed in there as possible. Right. Ah, any and we hit fall. And then with, you know, with kids going back to school, yeah, me it feels like Okay, now we can actually slow down my eyes. Think about what we're actually doing instead of running around, like, at maximum speed.

Melissa Albers  2:45  
Well, this is where we pivot. Because I am with you on the whole summer thing. And I love summer so much. I love it. I love summer, the feeling of summer and being able to walk outside and not cringe because I don't have enough protective layering on like, I love summer. And I love the idea that it is such a short period of time that I seem to take more stock in my time. Like I seem to try to be more intentional about my time. And you're right, it is busier. But it seems like it's a more intentional busy. And it's things that I'm choosing. And I do love fall like I do love the changing of the seasons. I mean, that is that is I agree with you on that. But I don't think that it slows down. Like I think most people, most people are getting into new routines. So everything that they've been doing shifts, right. But if feels like people put a lot of pressure on themselves, to try to be more organized to try to have their act together for anything that they were putting off in the summer because of the summer months, they now put all this pressure on themselves to like, be these different things. I just can't believe how much I've noticed that this fall even more than others.

JJ Parker  4:15  
Yeah. So you're you're saying like, Okay, now that the craziness of summer is done. Yeah. Or or the or, or maybe in in others cases? The laziness of summer. Yeah. Right. Because yeah, some people actually just really do Lean into like the, let's do nothing over the summer, because it's, yeah. It's kind of take advantage of that. Now it's time to sort of like get back to work, right? Maybe like, start exercising again. Get back on our diet. Right. Precisely work on our mental fitness and wellness. I do those kinds of things.

Melissa Albers  4:54  
Yeah, I really do. And I wonder if like any of it is a habitual sense. have change in us when the weather changes. I wonder if there's a habitual sense in us that, because we were all kids, we all had school, you know, we had back to school this back to school that we had start new sports, start new church, start new all those things. And even as adults, when we don't have the same cadence of that, personally, we may still have our own children that are doing that, or the habit of what it feels like like, oh, the seasons changing, get on it now. We should be pushing ourselves or we should be evaluate maybe not pushing even but just re evaluating what we think do say and be

JJ Parker  5:41  
alright. Well, now I'm just now I'm just reevaluate my whole take on fall to be called, but now start something new. And really,

Melissa Albers  5:56  
I've had a couple of conversations this week that have just put me on pause, actually. And both of them were around this level of expectation that we put on ourselves to perform certain ways. And how we always, many of us have that, right. We're constantly sort of having all these strong expectations of how we should act or how we should be or what kind of success we should be having. And it feels like we give ourselves a teeny bit of a break in the summertime. And then all of a sudden, come August, this energy shift starts to happen, these expectations start to creep our climb in. And suddenly we feel all this pressure to hop back on it because we've been slacking like this judgment. It's weird.

JJ Parker  6:46  
Yeah, that is interesting. So like, there is like, just like there's seasonality as to our whether there's like seasonality is to maybe our energy our efforts, like taking care of ourselves or not, or Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's an interesting thing to think about. Yeah. Because I bet you're right. Like, I bet we all do it all the time. And we don't really notice. Yeah, like, I never really noticed that. Yeah, until you brought it up just now. Really, really? Well. I mean, I guess, like I was saying, I have this feeling of fall, but I'm just trying to think of like times when I've done like different things. Like, you know, like, I like to mess around with nutrition and diet. Yeah. Just like, you know, you do not, I mean, almost not for nutrition just because like, like, I think it's interesting. So like, I've done that whole 30 diet. times. Yeah. And now, just to see how it affects me.

Melissa Albers  7:51  
Yeah. You you what, what it how it affected you is you looked like a swizzle stick. It's like six and a half minute. No.

JJ Parker  8:04  
That might be actually the thing that well, I don't want to get off on it. Do Is it made me like 25% happier like, like, way happier than normal? Really? Like do you remember this? Yeah, like the law around it. I'm like, just sitting there in my office alone with a giant smile on my face. Why had an egg flippin happy? Like how like, oh, wait, maybe because I'm not eating garbage all the time. And then the next season, I went on the only Snickers diet currently still?

Melissa Albers  8:40  
Milky Way.

JJ Parker  8:44  
But anyway, like, I was thinking like, you know, I I think I tend to do that stuff. In the spring and the fall. I seem to tend to do it. Yeah. Around seasonal changes. Yes. Yeah. Because there must be something about the idea that the season is changing. And then that's like, sort of motivates me or somehow subcut like you said, and possibly subconsciously gets me to also, also work on changing myself.

Melissa Albers  9:15  
Yeah. And you know, I think it's fine. I think I think we like it in a lot of ways. I think we like these seasonal shifts, because in a lot of ways, it helps us to start something that we've been putting off or it starts something even if we haven't been putting off we're just looking forward to having a change of some sort. There's a natural cadence and rhythm to every season, energetically, emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, there just is and you know, like if you are a yoga person on the equinoxes so on the in the spring and in the winter Equinox, am I saying that right spring and winter March and sometimes six months later, they will have special yoga classes that are 108 Sun Salutations to bring In the new season, right, so there's, there's so much of this that goes around. And I think it's, it's both part practical. So helpful, but it also, if overused, can be really hard on someone, you know, we set ourselves up for these big shifts and events. And I think it's hard enough to have this shift in event just being a human being much less sliding into it with all this expectation of being different.

JJ Parker  10:30  
Yeah, I was just, I was just visualizing us all as trees. And in the fall, we have to like, like, all of our leaves fall off.

Melissa Albers  10:38  
Yeah. Right. Yes. Yeah. But

JJ Parker  10:42  
it's kind of like the same thing. Like, like, in the fall, we could we could shed the bad habits we don't

Melissa Albers  10:48  
want, right. Yeah, that's a good, that's super interesting visual, actually, like

JJ Parker  10:52  
the idea that, that just like a tree sheds the things that aren't useful to it anymore. Yeah, people, you know, do the same thing around. Yeah, the time the season changes.

Melissa Albers  11:06  
And, and I think we actually feel energetically drawn to do something like this. In the fall, I think we energetically feel drawn. But then you have the juxtaposed of all of the things that are changing. Within a month long period, I mean, September's chaotic for most people with kids going back, like, I know, you have three kids, and now your school schedule is different. And, and especially this year, with a pandemic, we don't know what the schedule will be. So you have a lot of natural changes that are occurring, that can really cause natural chaos to your homes. Right, when and your workplaces.

JJ Parker  11:46  
Yep. So I would say like, I guess I'm certain to kind of get a better picture of, of what you're calling out here is like, like, there's a natural, there's a natural desire, there's, there's maybe a really deep habit around this idea that during the fall, we do some sort of activity that is new, or shedding old or change, right. And then on top of just doing that, sort of in an in a natural way, we have a heightened what I'd call baseline anxiety around everything that's happening in the world, especially if you've got kids going back to school. So yeah, so like, the draw to change, which also has anxiety with it, because all change will, can produce anxiety, we have heightened anxiety. So the whole thing just becomes a little bit more pressure than then is, you know, tolerable.

Melissa Albers  12:54  
And, and in addition to all that that's running almost in the background, then we start heaping on all of these other personal items. That's where I think it becomes extraordinary, right? Honestly, because it's like, yes, all this is happening, here's our natural time, here's our natural space. And I'm also going to go on a diet and lose 10 pounds, I'm also going to start being different at work, I'm going to start being more in charge of my team at work, I'm going to start doing these development things that I've been saying I've been going to. So it's that it's that piece where it becomes not helpful, I think, unaware. And

JJ Parker  13:40  
what you're doing is you're you're setting yourself up for a lot, you're setting an expectation that you can't possibly meet, right. I know for like my team at work, because a majority of my team does have kids in school right? Now, my expectation that I set, right when school started was, hey, it's going to who knows what's we don't know what's going to happen in the next couple of months. Right? Just please, like, don't worry about it. Well, you got you know, everyone can take time off, they can shift their schedule around, we can be super accommodating, right about school stuff, right and kid stuff, because we just don't know. And so don't try to, you know, don't don't be heroes with like your family life. Well, we'll get family and work balanced out to meet your needs. Right. And just simply that was, I think, really helpful. Yeah, I mean, so that's trying to remove some of that anxiety of that unknown, right? And so like,

Melissa Albers  14:51  
that's an external thing that you're doing to try to help people along, which is more of your intuitive sense that you know, people are going to be anxious that I'm just getting out ahead of this, but I'm also talking about the things that we're doing to ourselves in the process of all this, right? So it isn't even just our expectations that we normally have, you know, like, I'm going to be all these things. And now I've got to be extra. Now I've got to get better about having groceries for school lunch. Now I'm going to do, and this is the time I'm, I'm going to get back on and get better at that. And I'm going to start using a grocery delivery service. And I'm going to start it. So this is what I'm saying. It's like the it's the internal pressure that we put on ourselves, to not only perform at our best during these big change seasons, but also to go above and beyond performing our very best and adding other layers of things. Right. That's what I'm, that's what I'm just sort of chuckling about, because I'm noticing it and maybe for the very first time, I'm noticing that that's how people are behaving.

JJ Parker  15:58  
Yeah, I think it's funny. Like, I was just gonna quit, as you were saying that about just putting pressure on ourselves and over delivering and yeah, and all this is like, is our podcast basically about like, doing less like we are constantly advocating like this is like the underachievers pod.

Melissa Albers  16:23  
Oh my gosh, that's funny. Wow. Well, it would be awesome if it was, but no, I don't think it is given our production schedule that we just agreed to yesterday.

JJ Parker  16:33  
No, no, not ours. We're just advocating for everyone else to be underachievers. No, no, I'm joking. Yeah, I

Melissa Albers  16:44  
know. You are funny. Those are

JJ Parker  16:46  
are overachievers and excel in everything that they do. But this idea that, that there isn't there is a bit of that, for me. And I think for everyone is this idea that that we constantly are trying to like, amp up do more? Do? You know? Like, yeah, like more and more and more pile on pile on and it's almost like a cultural thing. Yeah, that we have that. It's like, hustle more, do more, change more grow more, like more, more more. Because like, to me, like more is not more, right. Like less is more like? Like, it's almost like a minimalistic view of like, your activities. For me, it's like, you can get more contentment out of actually doing a lot less. I think that's probably what we're advocating for.

Melissa Albers  17:43  
Yeah. Or certainly, you know, like, even if we aren't advocating for a certain amount of work or shift or change. I think for me, it's like to just really check in with your own sense of well being your own sense of mental wellness, your own sense of, are you pushing yourself the appropriate amount? Are you pushing yourself too much? Are you adding things to your expectation list that are serving you? Or are you adding things to your expectation list that make you feel like crap?

JJ Parker  18:19  
Yeah, that are that are driven from things that aren't, like authentic to you that are driven by like external peer pressure, other paths, expectations, like society expectations, like right expectations that you're literally making up in your head that yeah, no one's ever put on you. Right?

Melissa Albers  18:37  
Or your own guilt? Like, are you making those expectations because you feel guilty? That you haven't previously done them? Right. Like, I think that's another one that and that's a more insidious, quiet one. It's like, you know, what, I like, I have a relationship that I want to, that I really need to do something about, and I I now's the time, everything else is changing. I'm just gonna, I'm just going to boldly go here and, and it scares the hell out of you for doing that, you know? So I think that there's just a lot of things that can we enter into some of this change and can we be open to shifting expectations without making them so hard that we already feel bad and having made them before we even try doing

JJ Parker  19:28  
it? You know, this is what I like I have this like one parent guilt thing. Yeah, like an expectation that like I think I should do but I, I don't do and it's caused by a commercial for rice krispies bars. Isn't that ridiculous? Like, like, Rice Krispies? Sorry, Rice Krispies. They have this commercial where like, like, there's like the rescue scars you can write on and like put Oh, No for your kids, it's like in the shape of a heart that you put in your kid's lunchbox. Like, oh my god, like, that's

Melissa Albers  20:05  
my parent actually loves me. Because look, yes, Chris Kozar.

JJ Parker  20:09  
And I've always felt guilty that I like never, like, never wrote anything to the bar, like, oh my god, ridiculous. But like, seriously, like, I see like commercial, I just feel like feel crappy. Why? Why is this crispy is making me feel bad about myself.

Melissa Albers  20:33  
It is funny though, the things that we see or observe and suddenly take on, you know, it, our whole system takes on a whole lot of water.

JJ Parker  20:43  
It is, it is funny. But back to what you were actually, back to the wisdom you're actually bestowing upon us.

Melissa Albers  20:52  
Oh, wow. Let's write that down. Yeah.

JJ Parker  20:56  
The idea that the about the energy, right, like, because there's some things that that are a lot of work, are a lot of output are a lot of you know, like our high, high output, like high delivery stuff, like high achiever kind of stuff. Yeah. That, that are like, frankly, almost easy. Because you're in your centered space you're in, you're in, you're in all low. Like it's awesome. Right? Yeah. And, and that's like, the thing you do, right? That's, that's probably what, when, when people are in that state that's like, you know, their special gift. And being in that state is where you want to be the other stuff, that's sucking your energy that's, you know, making, you know, making you sad, depressed, anxious, all that stuff. That's the stuff that you're saying, Be careful of don't pile too much of that on, right, because it will grind it to a halt.

Melissa Albers  22:00  
Right? Or certainly just it makes you feel like a failure, you beat yourself up the story, you tell yourself, you jump into having to act a certain way. And there's the whole actor, self authentic self split in the self awareness journey, it is the whole losing ourselves. We're all under the guise of finding ourselves. Yeah, we're losing ourselves all under the guise of finding ourselves because we're pushing too hard on agendas that are not really serving who we really are.

JJ Parker  22:30  
That's an amazing quote.

Melissa Albers  22:34  
That I said, I'd love to listen to the recording. Maybe I could write it down and use it sometime.

JJ Parker  22:43  
So I, I like this, this idea. I like this idea. This, this this seasonality to personal development? Yeah, like I see it myself, I see it and others. Yeah, I think it's, this is a great, call out, Melissa to like, just, like, be aware of it have have us all be aware that, that we are probably going you know, especially now, but throughout the whole year, we will have different different seasons of how we work on ourselves. And, and yeah, and how we engage with things and what we conscious of it,

Melissa Albers  23:21  
what we feel energetically prepared to take on and when that's a really important piece, it's like, yes, you know, creating a stronger relationship with your spouse is very important, or trying to save your marriage is very important, or, you know, trying to find someone to marry is very important. All of those things are very important. But the thing is, is that if you force yourself into these false ways of being all because you say, well, the timing is now I should feel like this, I should work on this, I've been putting this off, I should do it whenever whenever we do that. We're stripping ourselves of the goodness of the experience. And we're replacing it with expectation and unhappiness at our real core, because we feel like we're failing. So when we enter into it like that, when we enter into it with a should, should should us, we are also introducing this idea that we already feel like we're failing in it. So it's just something to pay attention to in these in this shifting season, I think and if something passes by you where you suddenly say, you know, I'm going to lose 10 pounds. And I'm going to do it by Friday, because I'm going to an event. I want to lose 10 pounds, so I can be healthier. And that's great. And I'm going to enter into maybe just trying out what that might look like. It's very different. The energy is very different. The outcome is still the same at the end if you succeed, but it isn't even about that. So yeah, I just think it's an interesting time to pay attention. into as the seasons are changing. How are you? We hope that you've enjoyed today's episode. Our mission is to help people become happier and more effective by gaining insight into their own thoughts and feelings. We'd love your support. First, share this podcast with anyone you think might enjoy it. Second, leave us a rating or review on your favorite podcast site. This helps others discover the podcast so we can reach more people. And third, sign up for our newsletter at the self awareness journey.com. This will help us communicate better with you and build our community. Thank you so much for joining us in the self awareness journey. We'll see you next week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

‍